Catching the worm

"The early bird catches the worm" is one of my favourite proverbial sayings. I guess because as a boy I interacted a lot with worms. We were living in Kigezi, and I used to wake up very early to go fishing in the nearby river with my friends. We would stop in the valleys to dig up worms which we would put in our fishing baskets or hook onto our fishing rods to act as bait. Early in the morning even the smallest worm cannot escape the weakest eye as it wiggles about vibrantly in the mud. But when the sun appears and it begins to get hot, the worms burrow into the mud until the next morning. Birds knew this and so would be up early too, swooping down and making yummy breakfast out of the poor earthy creatures. So the saying that the
early bird catches the worm is as literal as it is figurative.

The kind of rivers we grew up finishing in.

I was reminded of it during my early morning jogging. Shortly after 6am, Wandegeya, the place that rarely goes to sleep was this time unusually quiet and forlorn. I sat down on a roadside slab at Barclays Bank to catch my breath. I also wanted to buy a newspaper but saw no vendor. 6am and no newspaper vendor about? It was shocking.

Then I saw something that stirred and whispered to me passionately, "Look, Mr. Optimist, that's how success is made!" Just opposite, there was a man making rolex (a sandwich of fried eggs rolled in chapatti). He was the only one working in the same place that in the evening is crammed with several rolex makers competing for few clients. There were three people waiting for their rolexes. I joined them and watched him deftly flip the rolex on his flat pan with his big flat spoon. I thought, "This is what it means to have an edge over your competitors." The early bird truly catches the worm.

Impulse

My favourite scene in that teens movie, Akeelah and the Bee is when Javier kisses Akeelah on the cheek and when she asks, surprised, why, he answers, "I got an impulse. You going to sue me for sexual harassment?" It's a funny answer that makes both laugh and grows their friendship.

That got me thinking about the beauty of impulse and its quickening power. You meet this girl and like her smile but instead of moving in and telling her immediately, you first want to go and wear a perfume that she might actually find off-putting. Just like that, an opportunity that could have led to great things is lost.

I once liked a girl so much that every time I saw her I wanted to reach out and touch her. There was something about her. She radiated inner beauty and carried herself with uncommon graciousness. Then there's a way she arrayed herself. With pure genius.

Every time I saw her I had to invoke every ounce of self-control in me to overcome the temptation of putting my arm around her tiny waist. I wanted to cradle her face in my palms and tell her, "Woman, you really are beautiful."

But I was afraid of being misconstrued. I was afraid of earning a slap. Then I decided drawing nearer her to merely enjoy the enveloping beauty of her presence would be enough for me. Alas! a faster guy arrived and made his intentions known and won her heart. I was left throwing my arms in the air in frustration, and many days after struggled to forget her face; the face that was now implanted in my mind like a tattoo.

Who knows what her answer to me might have been if I had told her spontaneously about the fire her beauty lit up in my belly. There's an old proverb that a hunter who dilly-dallied hit the tail instead.

Self-discovery

The point of self-discovery is the greatest point in the life of every person. Because it’s the point at which scales fall from the eyes and one can see clearly enough, and shift their focus from personal ambitions, to issues that benefit the larger society.

The task then is lead others to know the truth

Self-discovery is however a point many people never arrive at even when they are successful financially. It explains why one can have a lot of property, a great career and fame yet remain unfulfilled. True self-discovery is what leads to satisfaction in life.

And it starts when a person realizes that they have value regardless of their looks, social, economic or academic backgrounds. It’s the discovery of inner value that leads even the uneducated to make great contributions to their world and lead inspirational lives while some professors and gifted people throw their lives away in liquor bottles.

The great task then is for those who know the truth to lead others on the path of self-discovery. Then they will no longer grope about in the dark of poor esteem which is the greatest obstacle to any form of progress.
They will discover each one of us is an influencer. And according to sociologists, even the most introverted individual will influence at least 10,000 other people in his lifetime.

It’s staggering when you think about it. It means that whoever you are, somebody looks up to you; somebody is watching you - the things you say or do, even the way you dress, all converge to influence somebody positively or negatively.

And just as you influence others, you are being influenced too by the people you interact with, by the places in which you hang out, by the the movies you watch and the books you read. In this one has to make wise choices to not to be influenced unwisely and not to become a wrong influence. This is what self-discovery is all about.

A drink of water

One hot day I was walking on the streets of Kampala feeling a little blue. I was stopped by a man who pointed at my half-full bottle of mineral water and proceeded to perform a little pantomime about drinking. I gave him the water and watched him gallop it down like a man who had been on the verge of dying of thirst.

All one needs is a drink of love and some understanding

 It was one of those rare experiences that leave you a little confused but which, as you ponder them, give you a deeper, sometimes, life-changing understanding of life. Here I was all miffed because of a business deal gone bad. And here was this mute stranger who needed just a drink of water to carry him through another unpredictable day. After he had taken the water, he bowed and gave me the most appreciative smile I ever saw.

It was enough to extinguish all the anger and frustration that until then had been boiling on the inside of me like a kettle. I continued on my way now lost in thoughts like a philosopher on one of his evening walks. I was thinking of how the things that give meaning and fulfillment to life are simple yet they have been complicated because selfish ambition.

All one needs in this life is a little drink of love and some understanding. Some people might be so hard up that they go on for days without a proper meal yet a thriving neighbour throws away food every morning. How I wish we all learn to get interested in the lives of not just us and our friends and families but others as well. Try befriending one of those street beggars, and your conversations alone could change his life, and yours. Forever.

Money and love (Part I & II)

Part I

The Valentines Day buzz on social media got me thinking about love and marriage. We are living in an age of desperation. Young women are desperate to hook up rich young men and get them to commit. But these young men are not interested in committing. They are busy chasing after bucks to sustain the glitzy lifestyle, and enjoying all the sweetest taboos associated with it.

When a woman catches their fancy, they splash the cash with wild abandon, but after a couple of romps move on to the next fine woman in town. Thus character is no longer part of the equation. Money is now the only factor. If you have lots of it, most women will come running without bothering to even look at the condition of your heart. These are the women who say they would rather cry in a Benz than laugh on a bicycle!

 So the hard-working, noble-intentioned, God-fearing young man who would make a fantastic husband and father is rarely given a second glance. The 'liberated' woman of today has convinced herself that this man is boring and a poor love-maker. She wants the tattooed, dread-locked "bad boy" with mighty muscles, an accent and a sports car. He makes butterflies fly in her tummy when he says "Hi, baby" in his arrogant way. It is after years of being used and discarded by these money men that she starts praying, ironically, for the good man to settle down with; the type she had rejected. 

Unless these women open their eyes, they shall remain "beautiful but unlucky" i.e. have plenty of men to sleep with but non to marry them. It's no longer the looks but the light on the inside out that hooks--the light of maturity of character. Even that rich bad boy wants a wife who can cook a good meal and prides in taking care of her man. No man wants to marry a material girl.

Part II

After Valentines Day, a friend of mine came with a story of how the girl he had hopes of marrying had shattered his cosy dreams. First she told him the place he had taken her out to was below her standards. And that the gift he bought her was cheap.

His narrative reminded me of an interesting article by Lee Grady that warned men against girls with"dollar signs in their eyes"; girls who only love men that indulge their extravagant tastes. My friend's date certainly has "dollar signs in her eyes". That's why she could not appreciate his thoughtfulness. She is the type who sees nothing good in a man except the contents of his wallet.

 That she told him point-blank that she wasn't impressed also revealed her puffed-up ego that makes her think she's of a higher class than her pursuer could afford. Marrying her would be trouble unless she learns the hard way like the heroine of Guy de Maupassant's famous short story, The Necklace, who loses a borrowed necklace and works 10 hard years to pay for it! That was enough to strip Madame Loisel of her obsession with fancy stuff.

Just because you are more beautiful than the Queen of Sheba does not mean you can wrap a man around your bitty little finger and drag him to wherever you want. A woman who is impossible to please will destroy your destiny if you cling on. When Jay Gatsby, the hero of my favorite novel, clings to Daisy Buchanan, he is destroyed. When a man lets go, the right woman will show up and so love you that you will even marvel what you had seen in the other girl. Just live your life, man, never let a woman's beauty hold you at ransom.

It's all about teamwork

It's February already and if you haven't found the strength to start implementing the resolutions you made in January, the problem could be that you are going it alone. Even an intelligent and motivated visionary needs people with whom to groove to his destiny. We all need a person or two who believe in us and in our vision; people who are willing to walk with us come rain or shine. 

You need a great team with whom to groove to your destiny

"No individual has sufficient experience, education, natural ability and knowledge to ensure the accumulation of a great fortune without the cooperation of other people," writes Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich. The secret of quick and enduring success, argues Napoleon, is in the "Master Mind group", an inner circle of two or more people with whom you plan and implement to bring success. 

The knowledge they share and the harmony keeps them going strong where an individual would fail. You hear of self-made billionaires, but there is none. Behind every major success is not one individual but a passionate and loyal team. Just imagine how long it would have taken Museveni to capture power had he fought alone. Thanks to his Master Mind group of 27 warriors and the others that joined later, in five years their definite purpose of liberating this country was attained.

Therein is the specialness of the Master Mind members. They are not driven by money, power or fame but see something way greeter; something that will benefit the world at a grand scale, and so will give their all to be part of that legacy. The reason to think big. A man who thinks small attracts small minds but a man who thinks real big attracts eagles and soars to where the small birds cannot reach. Make your dream interesting enough and you will find a helper to make it come true.

Give me hope not dope

It's easy for a man outside the ring to criticise a man inside the ring on whom punches of the opponent are raining. It's easy to slam and call him a sloppy pugilist who couldn't punch back. But at least he went out there and did something courageous, and he is on his way up; learning and getting better from his experiences.

Some people specialise in criticising others. They never congratulate you on your new product; they nitpick and come at you with a sledgehammer like you committed the worst crime because your new product has a mistake or two. These nitpickers have allowed their own frustrations and failures to embitter them. So they go about injecting their dope of negativity into the veins of a man of hope and action, trying to bring him down to their level.

Play your game of life; don't let the faultfinder distract you

Former Manchester United manager, Sir Alex Ferguson became famous for his ability to bring out the best in his players. He had a team of mostly average talents but he made them win trophies. When asked by a Harvard professor how he did it, Ferguson replied, "There is no room for criticism on the training field. For a player – and for any human being – there is nothing better than hearing 'well done'. Those are the two best words ever invented..." The man knew how to build the confidence of his players and make them play their hearts out.

That kind of pat-on-the-back is what people need. A wise man once said that the only time you should look down on somebody is when you are helping them up.

As an optimist I refuse to drink from the cup of gall served by the faultfinder. As he squanders his time whining about how imperfect you are at what you are doing, keep reaching out and achieving because you are here not to be distracted by the opinions of pessimists; you are to change the world.