Being free again

I was thinking of childhood friendships that had no inhibitions. We walked together hands around each other's shoulders, laughed together in the sun, and shared everything in comradeship whose roots went deep.

It makes me wonder what happens when we grow up. 

Young, free and happy. What happens when we grow up?

Suddenly the distinctions of race and class emerge from the shadows and dictate how we live and who to welcome into our lives. We stop walking together, laughing together and crying together freely as we did when we were young. We build walls around us and retreat in shells like tortoises only emerging inch by inch; growing more suspicious of one another even when there's nothing to be suspicious about. 

We hoard so much when a neighbour is naked and starving, we employ the unqualified haves at the expense of the qualified have-nots. The poor are ostracized from their little plots of land so the rich can build more mega factories. There's no longer dwelling together in love as a people who all have blood flowing through their veins and who all live to die some day. 

The "poet of enslaved humanity" Pablo Neruda said "things keep on happening" and maybe what he called the "rubble that darkens the stones" and "the blackness of nighttime" has  followed us into daytime and settled in our souls otherwise what would compel us to live so selfishly and insensitively like monsters in a jungle.

In one of his literary masterpieces, Joseph Conrad talks about "a land without memories; a land where nothing could survive the coming of the night, where each sunrise like a dazzling act of special creation, was disconnected from the eve and the morrow." To me this is the land of heartlessness with humans turning against fellow humans like wolves that devour each other.

Yet we are called human beings because we have a heart, a conscience to distinguish good from evil, and a will with which we can rise to the greatness of character that makes us live and love like we were created to live and love.

Be real

A man lived with his wife for three years after which he sent her to the U.S. on a shopping spree. She didn't return. The man followed her there only to find her in another home living with another man. She received him and introduced him to her new husband as her houseboy back in Uganda. 

Be the real you and you'll be fine

The man returned crying and went straight to see a marriage counsellor: "Can you imagine my wife called me her houseboy?"

"That's what you were all those years you lived with her; you refused to assert yourself as a man," the counsellor told him. "She found a real man."

It really is true that when you refuse to be a man, people will turn you into a door man. I've discovered that being firm and unpretentious pays dividends. When you are real you might come off as arrogant and it might push some people away but those who stay will love you for it.

My best friend is one of the realest human beings I know. When we were at Campus there was a looker in class that many guys would fall over themselves to please. She would  simply say, "I need airtime" and a guy would pull out 20k and give her. One day at 1pm, she fixed my friend a seductive smile and said, "Ken, you've never bought me lunch."

Ken turned to me and said, "Look at this fake chick begging for free lunches.”

I'll never forget the shock that came to her eyes. No guy had certainly ever told her off like that. I thought she would never speak to us again. To my amazement, she brazenly started chasing Ken while rejecting all the guys who would do anything to please her.

Free to be me

I met a free spirit on a journey to western Uganda. She strode through the aisle like a model straight to the last row on bus and squeezed between me and a woman with two children. Having sat down, she fixed me a cheeky smile and winked at the adorable children on the woman's laps. 

Life's too short; be yourself and enjoy it

She then opened her brown leather handbag. It was the biggest handbag I ever saw; her arms must have iron weight to be able to carry that bag! Guess what she pulled out of that gigantic handbag? A chicken thigh that must have been a maraboustock's, for it was way longer than a normal chicken's. She made the sign of the cross and tore through it ravenously.  How she moved her jaws and smacked her lips! 

She was generous too; she tore off two pieces and gave the two children who had been watching her like a dog keen for a bone from its master's table.

Having eaten, Ms Free Spirit opened her handbag again and pulled out a green bottle with a long neck. She brought it to her mouth and galloped down its contents with wild relish.

The bus was playing a song by Mesach Semakula, and this lady easily sang along. In fact she sang like a balladeer to every Luganda song that followed, word for word. Some people turned to look at her singing and she didn't mind them at all.

I thought to myself, what a free-spirited woman this is! Then I remembered the words of my philosophical friend that "Life is too short, sweet but hard." This lady seems to know this and makes the most of life from the way she strides into the bus to how she munches her chicken and sings her heart out to the songs pumping from the bus stereo.

The rich vs the poor; theory vs practical

I recently read an article in The Guardian that said half the world's wealth is owned by just one percent of the population. It's an astounding statistic that got me asking the why question again and again. I thought about the schools I attended in my country and was shocked to discover that nowhere was I taught practical enterprise that benefit me in the real world.  I remember in S.4 as we prepared for Uganda Certificate of Education examinations, my friends and I spent days and nights practicing rote memorisation; cramming long essays on  colonialism and such things that have never helped me beyond the distinctions I scored in subjects like History.

If I had powers I would therefore completely overhaul our education system and put in place a system of creative application tailored to rhyme with the interests and talents of students. I would teach things like "how to know what you are gifted in and use it to get to the top";  "how to make money and use it to change the world"; "why intergrity is the most valuable asset" and so forth. 

The books on the syllabus would include biographies of men and women who have applied themselves all their lives and attained inspirational success. The teachers and lecturers would not be those with high sounding academic papers but those mostly who have learned on the job and made it; men like Stephen Kiprotich, Patrick Bitature, Joanita Kalwaya, Boney Katatumba and big thinkers and innovators in sports, business, politics; figures who have defied the odds against them and made it in life.

I think the world is tired of the pontifications of theoretical elites. It's high time they sat down so that the men and women with practical experience can stand up and teach us because they know a real thing about wealth creation that would reduce the shocking global inequality.

A dozen original inspirations from The Optimist

• Make it a point to leave every person you encounter better than you found them. You'll be amazed by the sheer reward of inner joy that will be yours.

•  Count it all joy when you're in desperate need of something and the world says no to you. Experience has taught me that there's always something better around the corner.
• Go  slow on things that are very pleasant to the eye, because underneath the glitter often lies some grotesque secrets.
• People who have knack of finding faults with others, criticising and attacking everything, have a pile of inner wounds that need healing. Run away from such people before they intoxicate you with their toxic  mindsets of negativity.
• What people often call "good luck" is the favour of God shining upon them. So next time something good happens to you, don't say you're lucky. Lift your hands and say thank you Jesus for your favour.
• If you want to be happy and successful quit comparing yourself with others and begin to delight in your distinct uniqueness and applying your potential.
• A truly great person to me is one who has learnt to do unto others as he/she would like them to treat him/her.
• Happiness or non thereof is a matter of choice. You can be penniless yet happy and contented, or have all the money in the world but be miserable.
• The best quest is the quest for  identity where you truly know who you are and why you were created.
• A God-connection should precede a people-connection.
• When you begin make it in life and win some crowns, be wary of human praise lest you get carried away and start throwing your weight around as an important person. That's when the skid to your downfall begins to pick momentum with unstoppable fervour. 



Jotting down spontaneous inspirations that seize me

• A man or woman who has learnt not to squander time is on his or her way to greatness.

Dreams of change

I recently had a dream in which president Yoweri Museveni lost an election, accepted defeat and peacefully handed over power. Interestingly, the man who beat him at the polls was not Amama Mbabazi neither was he Kizza Besigye. The winner was a vocal city pastor who often leads annual national prayers.

I woke up from the dream happy that it answered the million-dollar question most Ugandans have been asking: can president Museveni accept defeat and graciously handle over power? When shall we witness peaceful power transition like our friends in Tanzania? 

President Museveni has been in power for 29 years

They say dreams come true, and as I was enjoying the possibility that my dream might come true, I remembered an intriguing part that cut short my hopes. In the intriguing part of the dream, tears were running down the cheeks of Museveni as he gave his last speech as the president of this country and handed over power. He was literally crying a river! I wondered: was he crying because he didn't want to leave and didn't know how to face the world outside the presidency, or was he crying over the mistakes of his past 30 years in power and the things he could have done differently? 

It's difficult to tell but one sure thing many Ugandans would welcome peaceful transfer of power. I heard one politician say all of Uganda's presidents have had to bomb their way to power and must be bombed out or they will never leave. But that ugly history of violence is one the friendly people of Uganda never want to revert to.

That's why for me this year's Independence Day was less about celebrating and more about meditating and praying that the beautiful aspects of my dream do come true sooner than later. It would be Museveni's best legacy to peacefully pass on the mantle. 

Moreover, change is one of the main constants of life. So the sooner we accept the inevitable the better for the greater good.

A gold ring in a pig's snout

I recently changed barbers because my former barber failed to get the point. He's a star at cutting hair but talks a lot while doing his job plus I didn't like how he would use his bare hands to apply spirit and whatever disinfectant to my head.

This barber went the extra mile to make his customer comfortable

Thrice I told this guy that I prefer he uses a soft cloth but I got weary of reminding him. I also told him privately that if he wanted to retain his customers he needed to observe better mouth hygiene by brushing his teeth thoroughly after every meal if he could not keep his mouth shut. I wasn't that direct; I used euphemisms to tell him about his really bad breath. As he didn't get the point, I found another barber, who though not as good as the other at cutting hair, treats  customers as kings by listening to what they want.

Recently I bumped into my former barber and he asked why I no longer came to his salon. I gave him an honest answer but instead of apologising and promising to change his game, he went on the defensive saying as a home boy (we hail from the same village) it was unbelievable that I didn't want to see him progressing. "That's why you're giving your money to the Baganda instead of supporting a 'brother!'"

In bewilderment, I walked away without another word. It's flabbergasting how many business owners play the I-know-you-so-you-must-become-my-loyal-customer card even if they are lackadaisical service providers with lackadaisical customercare. The sense of entitlement such people have instead of upping their game baffles beyond measure. That's why some people refuse to employ their relatives. 

If you're running a business, you must be open-minded; learn every day, get better and better in all areas of your business, and most of all consider the views of your customers lest the competition sinks you. Ignoring the seemingly minor details will make you like a beautiful woman who lacks discretion. The wise king, Solomon, said she's like "a gold ring in a pig's snout."