The beautiful and the ugly

Ugly is a very ugly word that should never be used in the definition of one's looks because the real human being is not the body that you see but the soul or spirit that indwells it.

Let me put it in more graphic terms. The tortoise is not defined by its cracked shell but the humble harmless creature on the inside. And just as the tortoise shell is not the tortoise, the human body is not the real human being but a mere "designer shell", to use the words of Christian rapper Renee Emcee. Thus somebody's "designer shell" might be unattractive like tortoise shell but that does not make that person ugly. 

If beauty was defined in terms of looks, some of the world's most "attractive" women wouldn't be still single and struggling to attract or keep a husband. Likewise some of the most "unattractive" women wouldn't be happily married. 

It's sad that the beautiful-ugly phenomenon has been accepted in the world of women. Those who think they are not beautiful enough are doing everything to enhance their beauty to their detriment. In a quest for acceptance and validation from men, they have allowed to be used anyhow anywhere by anything. 

Then most of those who think they are beautiful enough have become inflated with pride; strutting about like peacocks, rejecting proposals from "lesser" men only to wake up too late! Others in this category often become too preoccupied with their "beauty" that they absolutely forget about their brains...to their detriment. 

If we want beauty, let's work hard to make the inner person better; if we must define beauty let's define it based on what comes  from inside out, not merely on what's outside. Paradoxically, you cannot become beautiful without first becoming U.G.L.Y., which is an acronym for "U Gotta Love Yourself", something I learned from Ugandan rapper Abbas Amin, who calls himself "Ugly Emcee."

Knowing you, appreciating you

A dear friend is worried that she's growing fat and ugly. We were chatting on WhatsApp when she loaded  her latest picture and asked, "What do you see?"

 "I see a fearfully and wonderfully formed creature," I said honestly. "I see a gorgeous woman in a perfectly fitting red dress..." 

With Natasha Museveni. She's beautiful from the inside out

 "Stop kidding, Dennis, and read the writing on the wall!"

That totally confused me. The mist had hardly cleared when she said, "I've become a hippo, I have! Don't you see all the weight I've gained?" 

I shook my head in wonder. Who tells our beautiful women that a little more meat on the bones is a bad thing?

I guess my friend is still grappling with the change that came after Campus. Back then she was so pencil-thin that I used joke that a gust of wind will one day airlift her to the end of the world, never to be seen again.

Today she has a big bank job and attends many important meetings where the best delicasies are served. Now she skips them and has resorted to one  meal a day, and drinking lots of warm water. All in a bid to put on no more weight. It's flabbergasting that with her education and versedness, my friend doesn't know the difference between being healthy and being fat.

Our girls need to know that beauty has nothing to do with weight or looks. Beauty is an inside thing. It begins with understanding and appreciating who you are -- a  unique creation that can never have an exact substitute just as you can never be someone else. Even identical twins have different thumb prints and temperaments.

It's in knowing yourself and appreciating your individuality that others will be attracted to your light, weight or non thereof.

Marriage is a wonder

Marriage. The oldest and most sanctified institution on earth. Started in the Garden of Eden when God after creating the first man realised it was not good for him to be alone and so made for him a stunningly beautiful woman named Eve.

Immediately Adam saw her he waxed lyrical, "bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh..." Eve cooed with delight, and just like that, Adam introduced to fellow men to the ecstatic business of courtship. 

Imagine that covenant: two separate beings of opposite sexes getting glued into oneness till the end of time. The wife can then never have eyes for another man, and the husband can then never have eyes for another woman. Their affections are now interlocked and you put them asunder at your own peril.

The man is weaned entirely from self and so is the woman. Everyday the man dies for the woman. And everyday the woman dies for the man--sacrificing for one another. Far be it from anyone of them to give the devil glory by straying. So the wise stay on their knees praying and paying attention to one another and doing everything they can to keep the sparks flying. 

Sometimes one will hurt their sweetheart for they are flawed beings; the DNA that came from Adam's fall still flows in our veins after all. But hurting is never the intention of one spouse to another. Pleasing her/him is the only intention. So any spotted trace of friction is immediately snuffed out by instant action. The wheels of love are oiled daily, and no one will bolt away at the first fault. They are in this from everlasting to everlasting. 

Now you know that marriage in its authenticity is no ordinary relationship but a deeply intimate friendship and a profound fellowship built on the rock of Christ. It's meant to be savoured and its delightful aroma breathed in everyday as the couple's fence and defence against home breakers and enemies of fidelity.

The sorrows and joys of love

A young man once met a young woman whose blossoming beauty softened his rustic face and made him sigh.

"That beauty of yours ought to be entered in the Guinness Book of World Records," said the young man to the young woman. For his complement, the young man was rewarded with a red hot slap in the face.

After recovering, the young man said, "Forgive me young lady but if it's a sin to appreciate your beauty, it must be an even more grievous sin to fall in love with you" and walked away, shaking his head. 

.... love finds you like that and determines to stay...

After waking up that morning, the young man had written down things he was going to do that day, and falling in love had not been one of them. Until he met the young at the conference standing there looking like the most beautifully wrapped gift he had ever seen, the young man had never believed in love at first sight.

Now as he walked home with the face of the young woman stuck on his mind like a tattoo, he thought: Love is a coincidence; love hits you when you least expect it; love is a marvel. It found him just like that and determined to stay. 

 A couple of years down the road, the young woman continued to spurn the young man. But deep inside he knew she knew they could flow but she was afraid to take the plunge of faith. She had lived a good life in the city and the young man had lived a rugged peasant's life in the village. 

It was disillusioning that he could not get someone that meant a whole lot to him. The sorrows of that filled many bottles but after many years the young man wiped his tears and married another young woman that loved and respected and helped him live his grand dream.

What's in a name?

I recently met a young entrepreneur named Tremendous. 

"Is that your real name?" I asked after the introductions. 

"Yes," he said. 

We got talking some more and I was amazed by his tremendous acumen and know-how. Tremendous deals in ships; yes, he buys and sells ships. Isn't that tremendous? Even more tremendous were his other dreams; he wants to venture into the business of making transportation easy and affordable within the region. 

Whatever you name, name with wisdom for there's tremendous power in a name

"I want to bring in small planes and make it very cheap for ordinary Ugandans to fly anywhere around the country and the region in the shortest possible time," he said enthusiastically. Remembering how I once sat in a bus for close to three days travelling from Kampala to Dar es Salaam, I told him that was a tremendous idea that would give tremendous relief to many people who are tired of exhausting journeys on buses to and from upcountry, or within East Africa.

Meeting and talking to Tremendous was tremendously inspiring. Contrary to Shakespeare, I believe that a rose by any other name would smell differently. There's much more in a name. I wondered what Tremendous's life would have turned out like if he had another name, say, 'Smallmind.' Essentially, the names we are given ultimately define us. Many people tell me I am a kind and inspiring person—a trait that matches my name, Muhumuza, which means "comforter."

It is also said the way former Nigerian president Goodluck Jonathan attained the throne was out of sheer good luck just like his name. Someone may argue that he was not just as lucky when he lost the presidential election this year, but you can ever wipe away his legacy as one of the presidents of Africa's rich and most populous nation. So, whatever you name: a child, a business, an idea--name it with tremendous wisdom because there's tremendous power in a name.

A beautiful dream

I stopped outside your father's house in a 1957 Cadillac El Dorado Convertible that my grandfather left me. You came out flying like a bird, your polkadot red dress dancing in the wind like the wings of a dove.

"Put this on and let's go somewhere exciting," I said as I handed you a dinner dress I had bought with a year's savings. A marvellous look came into your eyes and you cooed, "Wow."

I used to have a crush on Nicole Ari Parker

But more wow was the way you looked in that dress; how it revealed your heavenly figure and kissed the ground beneath your feet as you walked towards me. You picked your jewelry like a connoisseur to complement your dress and your self-assurance completed the look. I knew you would the best thing at the party, and I was not wrong. I needn't have worried about my jealousies; your way of warding off unwanted attention with your cutting look kept away those useless men.

That evening, I didn't hear a thing of whatever was said at the party. I was being tormented by a gripping presentiment that the mission I meant to accomplish later that night would probably go wrong.

After the party we drove in silence till we stopped outside your father's house. You hesitated and pecked me on the cheek. "I had a glorious time," you said, "thank you." You stepped inside and I watched the door of gate begin to close in slow motion.

"Wait," I shouted before I was shut out completely. And out of my pocket came a little box that I gave you and asked you to open right there. You gave me a look of utter surprise, then total interest, and I watched with a pounding heart till the box revealed a ring that sparkled goldenly in the light of the gate.

"Santurina," I said going on bended knee, "will you marry me?"

Boys to men

Today is Fathers' Day. Congratulations and happy wishes to the authentic fathers and men out there keeping it real. Being a real man is a huge responsibility that the problems of the world are linked to the men that have failed to navigate the labyrinths of manhood and settled for less. 

At a recent men's conference, we were asked how many of us were taught to be men. To my shock, no one raised his hand. Most men believe manhood revolves around positions and possessions. But according life coach Stone Kyambadde, real manhood is more of a character thing. Some men have excelled in their careers and made and made a lot of money but their wives are miserable and children stubborn because these men clueless about running a family. Even some admired rich people have not earned their wealth honestly, and thus fail the test of true manhood. 

Growing up, we learned that man must be tough and not show emotions to women. But television personality Brian Mulondo said tears won him the woman of his life—his wife. He had been chasing her for a while but she kept tossing him like a ball. In one moment of frustration, he cried and asked how long she was going to torture him. His tears opened her eyes to a side of him that melted her heart. The rest is history. 

Fathers must teach their sons from early on how to be men of courage and integrity. You may be financially poor yet raise your son to be a real man. When Malawian prodigy William Kamkwamba was collecting scrap metals to build his first windmill to bring electricity to his village, he was labelled a madman. His mother tried to stop him but his father intervened, "Leave the boy alone; let's see what he has up his sleeve." William achieved his dream, wrotea book about it that’s a New York Times bestseller. Without his father's support and encouragement, he would not be the man he is today.