How to curve your name on the tablet of somebody's heart

Things have happened that have poked me to the core; making me think about the subject I dread thinking about: death. The five-octave thought that rises above the dolorous din is, would anyone genuinely cry for me if I dropped dead today? Would somebody out there really miss me one, two, three or more years after my burial?

In this I want to think I'm not alone. It's part of the peculiarity of humanity that we want to be remembered always as if to defy the finality of death; telling off the grim reaper, that though you may take me you will never wipe me away from the minds and hearts of those who knew and loved me deeply. 

Live better now because tomorrow may never come

That's the word: love. The all-important word without which life would be colourless. It's the drive behind our waking up everyday to go hustling. We want to achieve much, and make a lot of money to splurge on our loved ones and give back to society so we can be appreciated to the extent of our names getting engraved on the hearts of many people. 

That's why for me to live is to live at peace with everyone as I possibly can. I hate confrontations and violence. I hate using mean words. I like to speak words that build; words that can brighten somebody's world. Because I've observed that the world is full of troubles; there are many hurting and unloved people, and it costs nothing to smile and be gracious and give a helping hand. 

It's out of the good things we do for others that good memories of us are formed. We are all candidates for death (it's only a matter of time) and those left behind will have good or stinking memories of us depending on the good or stinking choices and deeds we made while we lived. The decision to begin to live better has to be made now because tomorrow may never come.

All is well that ends well

She was a bored 17-year-old waiting to join high school, and he was a confident second-year university student who had no difficulty spotting and chatting up beautiful girls. There was immediate chemistry followed by lots of hanging out that got people gossiping, sparking a storm in her mother’s heart.

“You’re defiling my daughter,” she confronted him sooner than later. “I read a WhatsApp message you sent her in which you said the ‘first cut is the deepest.’ What did you mean by that? You’ve been sleeping with my underage daughter and I’m going to get you arrested for defilement.”

Daniel’s assurances that he had not slept with Di; that the both of them were still virgins who had signed True-Love-Waits cards, incensed more than assuaged the possessive woman. Trembling in the emotions of fury and resentment, she yelled at him, “Spare me your hogwash and just stay the heck away from my daughter else I’ll get you locked up and have the keys thrown away!”

Daniel walked away like a zombie. An image appeared in his mind, of a huge bronze wall standing between him and the girl he loved with all his heart.

That night, Daniel tossed and turned on his bed, his head pounding like a hammer, and his heart tumultuous like it had been possessed by a demon. It was with strained effort that at last he fell on his knees by his bedside and poured out his heart to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; the God who parts the waters of the sea and makes a way through; the God who knows everything that’s in futurity.

On the evening of the following, Daniel was sipping his coffee when his phone went ring-ring.

“Hello.”

“Hello.”

It was Di’s mother. Daniel’s sigh of relief came out like thunder when she apologized about how she had conducted herself the previous day.

Daniel gave her his gentleman’s word that he loved Di too dearly and God too profoundly to hurt either of them through fornication.

“I’ve intense intentions of not touching your daughter until I slide the ring of matrimony down her finger.”

Daniel kept his word and waited for Di till she completed campus. They got married exactly five years and three days since the ugly confrontation, and Di’s mother was the happiest woman alive.

Defying world philosophies

Philosophy is simply the way you view life. Everyone has philosophies by which they live, but there are general philosophies that many people have accepted to be their guiding principles and these philosophies have ultimately choked their individuality and creativity. Take the example of girls and boys who have accepted the philosophy that you have to be married by the age of 35 and when you are not you are as good as dammed. As they approach that age they panic and end up with the wrong partners simply because they were afraid of waiting longer.

Don't follow every philosophy like a dog follows its master

 The reason Muhammad Ali became the greatest boxer of all time had something to do with his refusal to be defined by world philosophies. He lived on his own terms, including developing unique fighting styles that boxing pundits first criticized but later accepted as masterstrokes. Consider the rope-a-dope style in which Ali would rest his mass on the ropes of the ring and shield his head from punches, until the one throwing them tired, before Ali swung with his preserved energy to knock him out. 

Ali said, "I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want." The defiance in his words inspires me to live according to my terms as well. 

The Ugandan world says you're not a man until you drive a Rangerover yet somewhere in Netherlands a government minister goes to work everyday riding a bicycle. It's also a common philosophy that to count as somebody you have to work hard and leave a big inheritance for your children. But when John Wesley died, he left only enough money to pay his pallbearers yet he remains one of the very few men whose shining light continues to inspire many in Christendom. 

We just have to be wary of worldly philosophies that seem right but put us in a box. You just have to forget the opinions of others and live life on your terms because in the end it will not be between you and them but between you and your Creator.

To all the pregant young girls

Early this week I visited one of the major hospitals in town and saw so many pregnant women that I couldn't help thinking that Kampalans spend most of their nights engaged in steamy hanky-panky.

I observed that about half of the expectant were young girls aged from about 18 to 25, none of whom had a ring on their fingers. Most of them were unaccompanied; even the heavier ones who looked like they might pop their child there and then. 

 "How can it be that they are here all alone; where are the men in their lives, the men whose seed they are carrying? Or did they conceive through artificial insemination?" I wondered, flaring that most men love to roll in the hay with the women they claim to love, but shun the responsibility that comes with it.

I looked into the eyes of some of the girls and saw a combination of loneliness, fear, shame and uncertainty. I didn't see on their faces the joy or beauty that comes with knowing that you are going to bring new life on earth. And that broke my heart. An avalanche of emotions seized me; I wanted to reach out to one of the girls and hug her and tell her everything would be alright. I also felt so enraged that if I met the man responsible for any of the pregnancies I would punch the daylights out of him!

The whole of that afternoon I was thinking about what women go through to bring life into this world. It's a privilege of untold proportions that God gave them to give life. Imagine where any of us would be without women! 

As we celebrate International Women's Day today, my heart will be with all the teenage mothers and those that are expectant. You deserve the best that the world has to offer for what you go through for nine laborious months of carrying a baby and for the strength of character that sustain you. 

I want you to know that no matter what, somebody out there cares.