It's all about imitation

In the 1960s, psychologist Albert Bandura conducted a classic experiment on learning and aggression in which he got pre-school to watch a film of an adult behaving aggressively towards a large inflated doll. The adult pummelled the doll with a mallet, flung it in the air, kicked it and beat it in the face. Next, each child was left to play alone in a room filled with various toys including the doll. Many children who viewed the film imitated the adult's exact behaviours and even devised new ways of hitting the doll. Children who didn't view the film never displayed any of the aggressive behaviours performed by the adult. The experiment showed that children can learn aggressive behaviours just by watching others. 

Adults must set worthy examples to the little ones

This example returned to me after watching how the behaviours of two single mothers who are my neighbours is largely shaping the characters of their little sons as well. One of the mothers pampers her son; spoiling him with endless toys while the other child never seems to get anything from his strict mother. Let's call the two boys Mark and Ali. Everytime Ali touches Mark's toys, a fight ensues till Mark runs crying out to his mother. 

She's a big, garrulous woman who will then come flying from her house and yank the toys away from little Ali. She will sometimes pinch him while saying, "Maybe this will teach you to stop harassing my son." Ali never cries through his ordeal, which is quite odd for a child his age. Moreover this seems to drive Mark's mother madder that she will call out to Ali's mother chastisingly: "Why don't you discipline your son? I'm tired of him harassing my son!"

Now, Ali's mother is a taciturn, diminutive woman with small intelligence eyes. She will then appear on the door and tell off Mark's mother in the most confident way: "Your big boy is just a wimp; leave my son alone!"

The boys will meanwhile watch out the drama of their mothers till it has played out. Consequently, Ali has taken after his quiet and collected mother. He never cries and never laughs. It's hard to tell when he's angry or happy. As for Mark, he cries as much and is as easily offended and quarrelsome as his mother. The boy even wags his little finger, copies some of his mother's cuss words and even spits at 'elders' because his mother won't touch him.

From all this I've learnt that kids can either be atrocious or gentle depending on what they hear and learn from the adults in their lives. The disarming innocence they are born which is quickly replaced with anarchic attitudes that if not tamed early explode in adult age. That's how we end up with terrorists. Thus adults must take keen interest in the behaviour of children and deliberately set examples that will help their children to grow into responsible people the world can be proud of.

A great discovery

This is going to excite all the bachelors in the house. Because,
finally, the cure to your kitchen woes has been found. It is even more
exciting because I didn't spend reclusive days and nights in the
labaratory conducting several  experiments leading to this great
discovery.

Those who have not been there may not fully appreciate this simple-to-prepare yet special dish that is here to save us from the distresses that come with trying to fix a meal. If you have not had to throw away rice because it is too burnt or too watery and looking like
some stale pottage, if your tongue has not been burned like pepper as mine has been after putting way too much salt in my macaroni, then you will not appreciate the potency of my discovery.

With this discovery, we are not going to be hurried into marriage so that somebody can cook for us. You women are no longer going to brag that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his belly. Even
this fallacy that all men bumble in the kitchen whereas for women the art of cooking comes effortlessly, is going to be disproved. In fact, it already has because the last time I checked, a man was the bestchef in the world. 

Anyway, my discovery started with my beautiful neighbour
returning from the village after the New Year holiday, and knocking on
my door with a huge cluster of matooke. I don't like matooke and the
labour of peeling but it would have been rude to refuse the generosity
she moreover topped with a killer smile. So I accepted the provision
intending to pass it on to a friend who cooks. But I forgot until five
days later. By this time the cluster was beginning to yellow and I
found the idea of cooking ripe bananas irresistible. So I unwrapped
the peels with the dexterity of a monkey, filled my small saucepan,
sprinkled pounded groundnuts on top, added water and cooked.

A few minutes later I was having my meal, and oh how sweet!
All a bachelor has to do is buy some matooke, leave them a couple of
days to start ripening, peel, add pounded groundnuts and cook. That is
all it takes to have the quintessential bachelor's katogo that will
have you licking your fingers ravenously. How I would love le grand
chef Kadumukasa Kironde II to try it out and tell the world what he
thinks!!

Oh time be my ally

Beloved reader, welcome to the New Year and the first Sunday of 2013. Most of all, welcome back to reality after all the eating and lazing that defined Christmas and the New Year celebrations. I hope the holiday had anodyne effects on you after a year of hard labour. You need that freshness and readiness to confront the challenges that are already lurking and ready to pounce.  

oh time be my ally!

I’m talking about those New Year resolutions that fill the first few leaves of your sleek new 2013 diary and that are already begging for the implementation to begin! And if you are a nonconformist that abhors anything to do with resolutions, at least your boss or wife expects you to perform better than you did last year.  

Just in case you don’t realise, it is some good days into the New Year already. That says as much about the rashness of time. It’s a precious commodity that we cannot afford to squander. As it has been rightly said, time waits for no man. But I’m not saying it should hold us for ransom. And I’m not saying we should rush lest we crush. I’m only saying let’s utilize time better.  

Moreover diviners of pessimism have already spelled out that this year is going to be way tougher than the previous. They are partly right because there’s no worthy quest without a major test. And the person with the winning mentality cannot be intimidated. He's already preparing and when the test comes, it will get the best out of him.   

If you are saying it’s easier said than done, you’re among those that let others stifle their potential. Don’t listen to anyone with dispiriting words. We all enter this world naked and crying, meaning we share a measure of vulnerability and invisibility that make us fail or excel depending on our attitudes and approaches. Whereas some are busy unfurling their potential, others are busy becoming shrinking violets. Saying the odds against you are insurmountable is giving fear the license to rob you. Fear is that great robber that robs man of his greatness beforehand. One must therefore adopt a fearless stance to become a man or woman of substance.  

Also learn to encourage yourself through motivational literature. Find someone with whom you gel and motivate each other to the top through words and deeds. With this, you can make your life sublime, and as poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow beautifully put it, “leave footprints on the sands of time.” 

The lessons and the new melody

I remember it so well. The hour striking midnight and the fireworks

cracking through the Kampala sky seismically! It was special because
it was Sunday - a good sign that got me prophesying that 2012 would be
a year to "increase, bloom and make a difference."

The next thing I knew I was strapped into a rickety rocking
chair that was turning haltingly in circles I would rather forget. I
didn't buy my first car and didn't take my company to the level I had
hoped I would.  But it was not entirely hopeless. I bettered my work
ethic and made a difference that makes me want to gloat.

So let me speak with 'authority' about the things I know, the
things I learned. Let me share that in spite of the mistakes and
frustrations, and even the rip- off, there's always some sweet fruit
to reap, something always prevails from our travails.

You have heard it said that it takes vision and a good plan and
self-belief to make it. Even then I've learned that one can still
fail. The beauty of it however is that being down does not mean being
out. You cannot let a couple of failures distract you and obstruct the
fulfilment of your dream. It's time to change approach and rearrange
that masterplan.  It's time to renew our convictions to succeed.

To paraphrase actor Courtney B. Vance in the movie "The
Preacher's Wife", now is the time to judge not our past but our
future, not our failures but our dreams, not our imperfections but our
possibilities. Remember your columnist is not just an encourager but a
true friend that has his right arm wrapped around your shoulder
because I believe in the real you that was created to shine. I believe
we can change our prevailing circumtances and together redeem the
destiny of our country.

So let's rise and step forward into 2013 in love and with a new
approach. One that is action-oriented and bursting with optimism. And
if the going gets tough, we shall remind ourselves that we are tough
too but also reach for help because we are here to lift one another
up.

For now though, let's tear down the dancefloor with boogying. If
you have no achievements to celebrate, at least celebrate the fact
that you still have that precious breath and can start anew in 2013.
Happy New Year, and may your important dreams come true.