Gratefulness

If you're reading this it means that you're alive because corpses don't read unless you're a ghost, which I think you're not! So you're alive, and that's quite something. It's something special to have the breath of life. You may even be going through a dry spell financially, and wondering how you will go through Christmas like that. Nevertheless you're alive, and that's something to be very, very grateful for.

There's always something to be happy and thankful for

To be alive means you still have work to do on earth. The challenges that confront us from every side will pass away like nighttime passes away for daytime. It really is true that no situation is permanent and no one is going through such a hard time that he cannot find something to be grateful for.

Many people are currently going through trying times. I watched a woman on TV whose husband was one of the victims of the Kasese killings, leaving her five little children. My heart went out to her and I prayed: "God, the Bible says You're the father to the fatherless and husband to the widows; please help that woman; give her the favour, the wisdom and the strength to raise those children to grow into men and women this country will one day be proud of." Then I felt that despite the enormity of her grief, she's still alive for her children. There are many children without any parents but somehow they get by difficulties notwithstanding. 

As an optimist I've learnt to find something to be grateful for no matter the challenges. Daily thankfulness is the fuel that keeps my engine going during tough times. So I'm writing this to encourage others that there's still hope. Use this last month in the year to forget the hurts of the past and the frustrations of today. Forgive the 'unforgivable' and crown the year like a free soul; free from baggage, and alive with a heart pulsating with the endless promises that are waiting to be embraced in the new year.

A conversation about the prosperity gospel

FRIEND: Man, you can get lost!  Must be the business of winning souls for Jesus. I hear you even went to Bible College.

ME: You know, man, things happen. It's true I've been pursuing a Diploma in Theology. 

A preacher and his translator

FRIEND: What! You want to become a Hummer-driving pastor?

ME: Ha-ha. What do you have against pastors living a good life anyway? 

FRIEND: I don't hate the players but I hate the game they play. Conning poor folk of their hard-earned money saying "bring the tithes and offerings into the house of God and the heaven will open and pour down a blessing you cannot contain!" Meanwhile it's only those pastors that become rich while their flock remain broke. 

ME: I tithe not because my pastor tell me to, but in obedience to God who through the Bible tells me to tithe and give offerings. 

FRIEND: So are you blessed? If that's the case why do you still 'pad' (walk) to work? 

ME: You are better than that, man. Owning a car has no nothing to do with being rich or poor. 

FRIEND: But why are those pastors obsessed with 'big-ass' cars and 'big-ass' mansions yet Jesus whom they preach had nowhere to lay His head? 

ME: You say Jesus had nowhere to lay His head yet He had the power to feed 5000 people with five fishes and two loaves of bread. And once He sent Peter to pick money for taxes from a fish. Man, all the silver and gold in the world was Jesus's and is still the Lord's. There is no testimony in His servants and those who believe in Him living in lack. He came that we may have life and live in abundance. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with teaching people to hate poverty and believe they were created to live in prosperity. 

 FRIEND: I see you're already talking like them prosperity preachers! Anyway it was nice chatting but I've to go. Let's stay in touch; I'm interested in talking more about this. 

ME: Sure. God bless you.

Without life there's no life

What is the most precious thing? To me the most precious thing in life is life. It is the thing everyone will do his best to protect and sustain for as long as possible because without life there is no life. That is why even the oldest man with all his teeth long gone and eyes so dim that he can no longer see, does not want to die. I know what I am talking about because in my teenage years I lived in a hospital where I witnessed many people on their death beds, and I testify that the fiercest battle is not the front-line battle between enemy armies. The fiercest battle is the battle to stay alive.

Some of the victims of the Rwenzururu attacks. In the background the palace is burning [Internet photo]

 And death, when it happens, leaves deep wounds in the lives of those left behind. Every person alive means a whole lot to some one out there; maybe a friend or relative. I will never forget the day death stole my cousin who doubled as my best friend. I had grown up with him; we had attended the same schools and lived in the same village right from primary to high school. Five years later I still struggle to believe that he died. He was the realest, nicest person ever. He had the biggest heart, had the warmest personality and was the only guy I know you never managed to provoke into rage. But what stood out was how selfless he was; the epitome of humanness.

He was one of those few and rare gems who live a life of such quality that just thinking about them alone inspires the best in you and provides sufficient fuel for you to excel at everything you do. That is the kind of mark some people leave in the lives of others. 

Imagine then how hurtful it can be; how deep the wounds go when such lives are unfairly snuffed out by political monsters as was the case in Kasese recently when the Ugandan army attacked the Rwenzururu Kingdom and killed over 80 people including burning down the palace.  If you take away precious lives ingloriously, how do you expect those in their lives not to fight back?

There's more to winning than a cabinet of silverware

It's over ten years since my favourite football club, Arsenal, won the English Premier League. My friends who support other big clubs like Manchester City, Chelsea and Manchester United wonder why I stick with a club whose trophy cabinet is full of "cobwebs". They don't get that Arsenal is about art, and art cannot be understood or appreciated by unartistic minds.

The 'Invisibles'. Internet photo

We are living in times where winning is more about collecting trophies than creating beauty, or doing something in a way that reminds us of the magnificence and splendor of the heavens.  Arsenal is about the latter.  It is managed by a French professor of Economics who is obsessed with beautiful style that in 2005 his team were dubbed the "Invisibles" after displaying  aesthetic, lightening-quick football that took them through the entire season undefeated. It was a feat that has since not been replicated, and Arsenal has continued to play beautifully like no other English club. 

It is because of its inimitable style that the club has for 20 years consistently finished in the top four in the Premier League, and not missed playing in the elite league - the Champions League; something no other English club has done. That consistency has given Arsenal fans lingering memories of beauty that inspire them to sharpen their quality and remain steadfast to win in life as well. 

Every time I watch the Gunners play, I'm provoked to dig deep and give the best without losing my uniqueness. For example I strive to write this column with fluent originality and clarity. The focus thus should never be on winning an award but on producing something of pure lasting quality. 

That is what real winning is about that. It is about inspiring and mentoring, it is about standing for certain values and ideals uncompromisingly; is it about personal style and expression, about character, hardwork, patience and perseverance which combine in birthing quality and class for which one will always be remembered. That is the kind of unfading crown we all should strive to win in life.

Trump-et of courage

The protests and the tears I saw on CNN told of the trail of heartbreaks that followed the ascendancy of Donald Trump to the American presidency. During the campaigns he presented himself as arrogant, insensitive, brash and too reckless that Barack Obama dubbed him "uniquely unqualified" to be president of the United States.

Yet when it came to the polls he garnered an enviable number of votes and swept the electoral colleges to swagger into the White White, leaving the media and many know-it-all political pundits staggering from the seismic shock of the impossible having become possible! 

But what is it about Trump that got him defying the odds that were alarmingly against him? Many reasons have been advanced to have orchestrated his utterly surprising victory but for me it is the sheer enormity of Trump's courage that made all the difference. Hillary Clinton had her batteries of courage fully charged as well; standing up to such a man, but Trump is another animal! The power brokers in his Republican Party wanted to dictate his flow but he refused to toe their line; he was the captain of his own ship and he didn't care. 

 Then everything was hurled at him. The spoilers had rummaged through his old life and returned with some nasty stuff with which to tarnish his name and reputation beyond repair, but no one can stop a man whose time has come! The past was past, and in any case no one among his accusers was saintly enough to throw the first stone. They hoped the things he said about Muslims, Mexicans and Hillary's character would boomerang; the media unfurled its fangs doing its best to turn his words against him but Trump refused order his mouth alright or be politically correct for that matter. He was and is no pretender and that takes enormous courage. In the end many voters were won over because they felt if he was a devil he was a devil they knew well; a devil they would have no problem sticking with.

Trump's courage was too irresistible to them; it is like the courage that girls find very attractive about the bad boy. It is the courage that comes from knowing that you were created for greatness and nothing can stop you except God. It is an extraordinary courage that very few possess. It is the courage of big winners.

Equipped for something

"In life everybody was created and equipped for something." Those were the words of Muhereza Kyamutetera when he was hosted on Capital Fm's Desert Island Discs on Sunday. In fact we are here not just to do what we are equipped for but to do it excellently; maximising all the capacity within.

People who fail to discover what they are equipped for live a life of tinkering; doing this and that; becoming masters of none, because their  focus is on financial returns than on making a difference; adding value to humanity; a value greater than themselves. Some indeed get exponential increase financially only to realize that money does not bring the joy and fulfillment that we all crave for deep inside.  Consequently they wither and die with their potential still unfulfilled like undiscovered gems. 

Tyson's talent was spotted during a street brawl

The inability to discover one's purpose is a huge problem in Africa, unlike in the developed world where  scouts of every profession are always scouring about for young talent. For example Mike Tyson who became the youngest heavyweight boxing champion of the world at the age of 20 was discovered during a street brawl. American music sensation Justin Bieber began singing contagious tunes when he was still in his diapers, and the music scouts immediately knew the lad was born to sing. 

But in Uganda few parents and guardians have the insight and foresight to help their children discover and nurture their talents and gifts. A child who loves to crack jokes is reprimanded for being cheeky and instead of  watering his sense of humour to flourish he is sent to university to study law or medicine at the expense of his natural talent.

The essential thing is to think and do everything to discover what one is created and equipped for. Many of the unemployed people and other frustrated lot would not be stuck in a hole of stagnation if they discovered what they were created and equipped for because they would be busy enjoying the fruits of using the opportunities that God throws in our way; opportunities that have a direct connection with the potential that is in each one of us.

The age of duplicity and depravity

I was walking home on Wednesday evening reading a text message when a boda-boda rider vrooming by snatched my phone. But as he lacked the timing and dexterity of an eagle; his grip was not firm, so the phone fell from his thieving hand and landed into a roadside trench which luckily was dry. Every part flew apart and it was another miracle that its screen did not even crack.

Some boda-boda riders are crooks

After I had reassembled my phone I stood there reeling with anger at the rogue. I use boda-bodas a lot and now I'm not sure I want to ride on a boda-boda again unless I personally know the rider. A boda-boda who tries to steal your phone can drive a knife through you in order to take your wallet. They say one bad apple does not mean all the apples in the basket are bad, but we are living in desperate times that have turned good people into wicked ones. 

 It's scary that some people no longer have troubled consciences. The story that drove this point home was a story of a young lady whose handbag was snatched by another boda-boda rider in the same style my phone was almost stolen. It was a new semester and the handbag apparently contained tuition. The poor lady shouted, "My bag!" and collapsed in shock while the thief vanished on his boda-boda. After the young woman had regained consciousness all she could do was cry. I will never forget the pain and grief I saw on her pretty face. 

Some thieves don't always get lucky. Some are nabbed in the act and killed on the spot through what is known as "mob justice" yet this seems to have done little to stem the ugly wave of shameless thefts sweeping through our nation. It's so bad that even money donated to help a cancer patient go for specialized treatment is stolen. 

The only solution is for every good person out there to remain different and set an example that little ones under their care can emulate.

The tigers in us

"You've got two tigers in you; the weak one that doesn't believe and the one that does. Which one will win? The one you feed." I heard those lines from the movie "Dragon Eyes" and they stuck for their sheer beauty and veracity.

I started wondering why the metaphor of a tiger was used, and not another animal in the cat family like the mighty lion which is nicknamed the king of beasts. Then it struck me that the reason the tiger was used is because the tiger hunts alone; something that is akin to human beings. 

Once a man becomes an adult he essentially becomes independent and must begin to hunt for his own meat or he will suffer the ridicule of society as a dismal failure. For example when I was still a student I had many free sources of income from my parents and relatives. But after graduation the taps immediately closed because I was now a man who they expected to support himself. 

In life some battles are fought with others but essentially every being is on his own just like an adult tiger wins or loses alone. Even in death you stand before the Judgement Seat of God alone. Understanding this is essential in helping me and you to hustle harder rather than sleeping and expecting to be taken care of by our richer friends and relatives. 

I suspect that the tiger's majestic standing, amazing beauty and awesome gracefulness are amplified by the fact that it's not indebted to anyone since it supports itself 100 percent. It's a hard thinker, planner and executor that marks and defends its territory from trespassers and naysayers. There's a whole lot to learn from how this striped predator perfects its hunting and survival skills without the sense of entitlement that most Ugandans suffer from. 

To make a successful charge in life, a human being must feed his strengths and starve his weak side. To dwell on past failures or give room to anxieties only drags you down yet you and I were created to sprint like that great cat -- the tiger.

What money is for

In The Top 10 Habits of Millionaires, Keith Cameron Smith writes, "Being generous is a sure way to be happy. Being greedy is a sure way to be miserable."

That's right; money should be used to give tangible meaning to generosity. Money is there to help us but the joy is squeezed out of the picture when we hoard it and enjoy alone like diehard capitalists yet those around us lack.

Lately money has become such a god that most people have no modicum of shame as they exploit and defraud in the name of accumulating as much in the shortest possible time. They do it with such zeal you would think every shilling represents a life-sustaining pill meaning that the more money you have the longer you live.

But we all know that's an illusion. When Steve Jobs was suffering from cancer and about to die, he said, "...lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death... non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me."

Steve Jobs learned too late that the most important thing in life is to love and cherish others. That's what exactly money is for. A person who uses his money generously, helping those that seek his help, reaching out to the needy without inviting the press and demanding recognition, has the riches of the heart which are the kind of riches money can never measure up to.

As Keith Cameron Smith notes in his book about habits of millionaires, "Being generous is witness to others of kindness and love. It benefits the giver as much as, maybe even more than, the receiver."

Let's use our money to plant seeds of generosity and the rewards will be greater beyond our wildest imagination.

Thankful for being me

On Monday it was Thanksgiving Day and I spent some time thanking God for the person He made me. I'm an eternal optimist who believes that everyone God created has grand beauty that should not be tampered with. But largely because of the influence of Hollywood many have come to believe that natural beauty is not enough; that everything must be done to enhance it. So blacks marry white folks in a bid to improve their colour, only to end up getting "white-faced niggers", according to Claud in Flannery O'Connor's "Revelation".

God does not make mistakes

Claud's conclusion may sound a little racist but it contains some grain of truth. Think of the people that bleach their skins and use an assortment of creams on their faces in order to lighten up (beautify). And then melanin gets corrupted and the skin develops a weird pigmentation and people start casting twisted glances upon them, wondering what happened to their faces. This is what happened to Kimberly Jones aka Lil' Kim. Such a gifted African-American rapper, Lil' Kim was never satisfied with her natural beauty that she confessed to journalist Allison Samuels: "Guys always cheated on me with women who were European looking...really beautiful women that left me thinking, 'How can I compete with that?' Being a regular black girl wasn't good enough."

So Lil' Kim thought she would find real beauty through plastic surgery; breast implants, a nose job and changing her skin complexion all to extinguish her black features for the more 'beautiful' white features. Sadly, everything went wrong from the pain to the new looks; rather than become a pretty sight, her new look provoked pity making her fans wonder why she had to go through all that despite her extraordinary rap talent. 

It may be a cliché but it really is true that God doesn't make mistakes. So accepting and being confident in the way we were created is the best way to find peace of mind needed to bring out our best attributes and inspire the best in others as well.

The best I can do for my country

A statesman named John F. Kennedy made a statement that continue to resonate long after his death: ask not what your country can do for you, he said, rather ask what you can do for your country. It's on days like this while we celebrate 54 years of independence that I realise the sheer power and timeless relevance of Mr Kennedy's words. Ideally every individual has a role to play in bettering his/her part of the world.

Ugandan musicians Chameleon and Lillian identified with victims of Bududa landslides

When Stephen Kiprotich won us gold at the Olympics, as he stood on the dais to receive his medal and our national flag was hoisted and our national anthem sang, I thought to myself: there's a man who's doing a lot more for his country than all our members of parliament combined!

This country so awesomely gifted that Winston Churchill christened us the Pearl of Africa needs its citizens to rise up with determination and let her not so sink as to become the peril of the continent. There's nothing that staggers more than the knowledge that a population comprising more than 80 percent Christians are so steeped in corruption and mediocrity almost beyond redemption. 

It then goes without saying that the least we can do for our country is to engage the paradigm shift gear and be the change we want. So many people are good yet evil. I mean, a man goes to a hotel and after his meal tips the waitress with an amount almost the total cost of his meal. To the waitress, such a man is an angel yet the man could be a dealer in a ministry who swindles public money without a modicum of shame. 

It's therefore not enough to do good. What matters is the purity of our intentions. Oswald Chambers said, "The only thing that exceeds right-doing is right-being." The best thing you and I can do for our country is to be right not only in our actions but also in our motives and thoughts. Happy Independence celebrations.

What women really want

Hillary Clinton was asked why she stuck with Bill Clinton after his moral standing was found wanting and she said being with Bill was an endless conversation. Bill and Hillary are intellectually compatible, finding it easy to connect and have conversational outflow, but what Hillary meant was that Bill knows how to make spending time with her count. It starts there -- women are crazy about attention and a man who knows how to dish it out properly will always be a ladies’ man.

What women really want is attention

Ladies, correct me kindly if I'm being presumptuous in thinking that most of you would like some men looking in your direction a second, third or even fourth time! To a woman, it's a thing of exquisite beauty to have men gawk especially those not looking for a quick roll on the bed or in the hay. It makes them feel attractive and wanted. Learn to look at her in a way that suggests your eyes will never look that way at another woman because the best thing you can do for her is to make her believe she's the most beautiful woman in the world. And there's no way that's going to happen when you forget her birthday, and when you start attending to your phone while you're out on a date with her. 

It's the mandate of every man to master the game of surprises. If you're going to buy your wife a special gift or take your girlfriend to some cozy place only on her birthday, you're losing it. Engage that surprise gear the most when she least expects it. Although money is an important factor in relationships, financial brawn will always be outfoxed by a romantic brain. The "pomp and circumstance" that wealth creates to blow away girls like the super-rich Tom Buchanan blows away Daisy in The Great Gatsby cannot eclipse the magnetism of a man who knows how to give proper attention to women.

Why can't we just get along?

Why? Why can't we just get along? Why should there be a Muganda, a Munyankole, an Acholi...why can't we all be children of Uganda? Why should the poor and the rich be suspicious of each other? Why should children of two mothers with one father struggle to gel? Why should one group belong, and not the other? Why can't we all sit and laugh together as a people that share one universe despite our diversity? If we all come from the womb and will all end in the tomb, why can't we just get along while we still can?

The beauty of unity in diversity is unparalleled

It's such a beauty when we throng Namboole Stadium to cheer on the Uganda Cranes. We lift our voices in one accord, laugh and cry together, forgetting tribal lines and educational or status differences. That togetherness is then taken to the kafunda where we sip malwa through long wooden straws. Even those with empty pockets are welcomed in typical Ubuntu style. 

Alas it ends there! Often the following day at the workplace you remember that your supervisor is a Munyankole and begin to sulk. The reason he's your boss, you would rather have us believe, is not because he's meritorious but because he comes from western Uganda! It's more flabbergasting that some still blame our disunity on the colonialist's divide-and-rule system, a whopping 54 years after the white man left! 

Oh how I love the sweet voices of birds in the morning! In Kampala you don't get to see or hear many but upcountry they really can sing and the sun can really shine. The wind blows and the trees bend and the bushes totter in a dance of their own. They love to celebrate being alive and have no time for discordance.

How I long that we become one people singing the same melodious song of brotherhood and sisterhood; helping, loving, living and getting along as one. That would put a smile on the face of God and make all the difference.

Tribute to a great artist

He was a man who blended perfectionism with humility and loyalty in what he did and believed in so well that I never could cease wondering how he managed to pull it off. I first met the genius through his cartoons and we connected immediately even before we met physically. I felt honoured that he was the one chosen to draw complimentary cartoons for my Daily Monitor series, "Banjo's adventures." Writing these fictional accounts on a weekly basis is sweat and blood as I often run out of ideas and resort to merely filling my allotted space. But Moses Balagadde always had a way of gilding my boring accounts with humorous cartoons. Thus any popularity Banjo's adventures have enjoyed for ten years has little to do with my writing ability and more to do with his drawing ingenuity.

King Solomon once said that a man who excels at what he does will not stand before obscure men but will stand before kings. This much became true of Mozeh, as we fondly called him, for he served the biggest independent newspaper in Uganda, Daily Monitor, as its senior cartoonist for 15 years, distinguishing himself for the realism, golden humour and incisive commentary in his cartoons. 

One of the Banjo series illustrated by Mozeh

Imagine my shock on Sunday morning when I got the heartbreaking news about the sudden death of the master artist. The first thought that hit me was whether Daily Monitor will ever be the same again without his witty cartoons. I also wept for the Banjo series, because they had become a part of him as much as they are a part of me. Plans were underway for an animated television adaptation, but how will this be executed without Mozeh? 

Uganda has lost such a genius but as we cannot continue to cry over spilt milk, we can only continue to thrive on the best Mozeh inspired in those he encountered. He was a true motivational figure who heeded the words of Paul the apostle that whatever you find to do, do it heartily as though you were working for God rather than for people. 

Rest in everlasting peace Mozeh, we shall always be inspired by the light you so radiantly shone.

Waiting is not easy but it's worth it in the end

The longer the wait the greater the joy of fulfillment. That's the thought that deliciously coursed through my mind after the 38-year-long thread of waiting was severed and the Uganda Cranes qualified for Afcon 2017. The delirium that greeted Farouk Miya's goal was like a seismic wave, whereas Janet Museveni's childlike joy perfectly embodied the delight of the nation.

Uganda Cranes' fans celebrate after the long wait is over

For me it was a timely reminder that no matter how long dreams take to come true it's crucial to hold on and never give up. Every real dream comes true if you keep trying. Mike Tyson was only a kid when he first saw Muhammed Ali. "I saw the way people looked up to him; I saw their smiling faces and I said to myself, 'That's what I wanna be. I wanna be the champion of the world.'" Tyson's dream came true in 1986 when he became the youngest heavyweight boxing champion of the world at the age of  20. 

For some people dreams never come true because they lose sight of them and stop believing. That's why it's important to know what you want to be or do and write it down, curve it on wood if possible, write it on the tablet of your heart or wear it like a necklace so that you never ever forget it and never stop thinking about it and believing it's coming true. 

God told Prophet Habakkuk to write his vision down in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. He was told that a written-down vision never lies but always gets fulfilled at the appointed time. Putting your ambitions in ink helps you to stay focused and gives you the strength to weather the twists and turns that make many give up.

The  dream has to linger longer in your psych; you have to believe and act like one created to ascend and transcend the ordinary; you've to keep trying to succeed just like the Uganda Cranes and it's only a matter of time before the big breakthrough.

The secret of drawing nearer

There are many breathtaking sights but for me the most breathtaking is the sight of the moon gliding in the sky on a cloudless night. I can sit the whole night viewing it. The serenity it exudes is always a healing balm to me after a tumultuous day or on one of those nights when for some reason certain anxieties do everything to rob my inner peace. I step out of the house and lie on my back in the compound gazing at the effortless way the moon moves; watching its majestic bearing, watching how its soothing light entices the stars to draw nearer and shine their own light with wild abandon. Watching all that assuages and quietens my soul like a weaned child with his mother.

Draw nearer the needy, love the unloved

One night after a long day I sat outside sipping coffee and watching my friend the moon. I noticed that it was unusually bright; its luminescence exceeded any I had seen before. I WhatsApped a friend of mine who too is magnetized by the wonders of nature. "Look at the moon and tell me whether you see what I see."

She soon after responded with evident wonder: "Oh my God! The moon is on song tonight!"

We later learned from the Internet that the moon was extraordinarily bright that night because it was apparently 12000 miles closer to the earth than normal. That was even more amazing to me because experts tell us that the moon does not shine its own light but rather reflects the radiance of the sun. Could it be that the sun had drawn nearer the earth as well? 

I learned from this that if a people want to shine beyond the ordinary we must draw nearer. Draw nearer to those in need and love the unloved. Draw nearer excellence to be excellent. Even in photography the nearer you are the more likely you are to get a fantastic shot. Draw nearer those smarter than us and soon we begin to reflect their light just like the moon reflects the light of the sun.

Where's my Daddy?

This goes out to all the ladies who are planning on deliberately getting babies out of wedlock. You might be well-heeled, but that child needs much more than the best toys money can buy; that child needs a father in the home and in his/her life.

Every child needs both parents

I was moved to write about this by my corporate neighbour who has two little daughters who are evidently missing a father in their lives. The little one now calls me Daddy and her sister calls me Uncle! Everyday my heart goes out to these adorable girls. The mother is too busy for them; she works for a bank and is busy Monday to Friday, sometimes even on Saturday. She leaves early and returns late. All she does is dole out endless toys to her daughters. 

She chose single motherhood because she didn't want to lose her independence by having to be accountable to a husband. Her idea was to have one child, but now she has two from different men and now admits it's a wearisome responsibility to raise them singlehandedly despite all her education and financial means. 

Basically she wouldn't advise ladies out there to get into what she got herself into. Yet it remains a trending song sung especially by feminists that it's cool to be a single mother. But when you dig into the reasons they advance, you find selfishness at the centre of it. They associate proper parenthood with the ability to provide; as long as you have enough money to feed and educate your child you don't need a man, so they argue. But how about the emotional needs of that child? 

Psychologists tell us that every child needs the presence of the father in his life as much as of the mother. That's how they learn the difference between a man and a woman, and their interdependence. If I were a woman I wouldn't like the idea of my child calling any man "Daddy" or "Uncle" - it says as much about the gaping hole in the child's soul; the hole that can only be filled by a father. It's when all the ingredients of a family unit are there that we get a stronger, steady society. That's why I'm blowing the trumpet for a paradigm shift.

The ant mentality

I recently watched a documentary in which gifted world musician Salif Keita, said, "When I see a wall behind which I think I'll find something beautiful, I'll do everything to pull it down."

The fervency with which he delivered that statement was way more inspirational than its sheer beauty and veracity. It was obvious the secret of his extraordinary success is that he allows no limitation, no mountain, no valley to stand in the way of what he wants. 

His statement also reveals his awareness that no talent, however monumental, is enough. One must be willing to go the extra mile or two to sit at the table of exponential achievers. The insufficiency of natural gifts in the journey of success was also what Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger meant when he said, "At the end of the day we are not responsible for the talent we each have, but we are responsible for what we do with our talent." 

Ants work restlessly in summer to save food for winter

Each one of us is born with some strengths. Something you're good at. Something for which you are admired. No one is born without any ability. If you think otherwise it's just that you haven't discovered the gift within. Yes, it's possible to live without discovering your natural ability, or ignore and under-utilize it, leading to underachievement. 

That's why the wise king Solomon challenged us to study the ants and gain wisdom from their drive. Those little creatures hustle day and night all of summer gathering and storing food for winter. Their exertion is very motivational but more than motivating us to work hard for our provisions, it should spur us to set goals that don't revolve around mere bread and butter since we're stronger and

wiser than ants.

All the biographies of great achievers reveal that they didn't have the onerous ant mentality of working only for food but thought bigger and worked harder for a legacy that would benefit others and outlive them. That's why Keita is globally acclaimed because no wall can stand in the way of his beautiful dreams.

"Respect my office"

I recently saw a sticker on a boda-boda that read: "Respect my office." It was obviously a shot at Ugandans suffering from what some have labelled "arrivalism syndrome" - a virus that attacks mostly young politicians, musicians and corporate employees who have started appearing in the society pages of the local newspapers and think they are a special breed; way better than the ordinary mortals!

A boda-boda rider in Kampala

In this category are people who swear they would never be seen using a taxi because that would mean coming down a peg or two; it would demean their current station in life. In the same category you find girls who won't date you because you live in a two-roomed muzigo in Bwaise. To earn their respect, you have to live in a certain neighbourhood, drive a certain car, attend certain corporate events, and hang out in certain places. 

You know the heights most Ugandans scale while putting up appearances. We lie not just about the countries we have been to but also about the schools we attended, our educational levels, the jobs we do, about our earnings and about how much we spend on pedicure and manicure! I recently read an interview in which a local actress was bragging that her wig cost two million shillings. She sounded like she wanted us to bow down in respect because of that! 

This being a developing country where many still live below the poverty line, I guess it pays to encourage oneself by putting up appearances. But when the kiss of good luck finally catapults us into grace from grass whereby even the paparazzi begin to notice us, we get carried away and start looking down on others who are simply earning an honest living without pretending to be what they are not.

A boda-boda rider recently told me that on average he takes home Ushs45,000 after the day's expenses. Do the maths and see how much that is monthly. A homeboy who is a cobbler in Kampala bought a plot of land and is building rentals from mending shoes. I see from the clients of the guy I often buy rolex (eggs rolled in chapati) from that he's generously cashing in.

So let's respect each other irrespective of background, education, trade or social standing. In fact, we have a whole lot to learn from those we look down upon.

Necessary losses

Do you realise we are in August already? It's incredible how time flies. It seems only like yesterday when the sparks were crackling all over the city to usher in a new year. Time certainly flies faster than a space shuttle!

Which brings me to the question of progress this far. If you haven't done much of what you purposed to do at the beginning of 2016, be encouraged that you can start now and still make giant strides.

Stay moving forward no matter what

In the language of the Bible, day and night as is seed time and harvest time shall never cease as long as the earth remains. Night paints a dark image representing the things that didn't gel, and the frustrations thereafter. Thankfully, the arrival of a new day every morning is a metaphor of new opportunities; a golden chance to start all over. 

The weakness of some is to dwell on the failures forgetting that poetic justice always levels the  ground, restoring to the loser everything that 'locusts' unjustly ate. Moreover every failure is a learning opportunity. Boney Katatumba put it succinctly: "Every irritation is an invitation to grow in wisdom, understanding and wealth." 

Maybe your plan this year was to get married only for the object of your desire; the one you had poured all your love and hopes in, to drive a dagger in your heart and leave it there! Man's ability to start afresh should stir you to cut your losses and move on. Things that don't work out were not meant to be, and it's in letting go that something better will show up. 

Some of the world's most influential people suffered dismal failures and heartrending betrayals. To mention three: Oprah Winfrey was raped aged nine, Bill Gates dropped out of university, Lionel Messi served tea to meet his training expenses, but look how successful these people are today. Sigmund Freud was right afterall: "One day in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful."

Mentors that need mentorship

There's a Ugandan businessman I've long admired for his glut of successful enterprises. Two years ago, I attended a business forum at which he talked about the importance of creativity, versatility and integrity in business. I left that forum not only determined to start my own business, I also sent him an email begging him to write a book detailing everything he had learned in his long business career that could serve as a light to aspiring entrepreneurs.

Fagil Mandy is an education consultant and a great mentor

He heads the boards of several high-profile government and private bodies and is a coveted speaker at inspirational events. So he's reported about a lot in the press; only colourful stuff that make him even more inspirational. But last week I learned that this highly respected business man is choking on loans amounting to billions of shillings and has joined other business men in the same quagmire, to push government to bail them out using taxpayers money. 

 I am grateful that he inspired me to start my own business but I am  not sure I still want him to be my business mentor. One of my friends would rather persuade me that no business enterprise operates completely debt-free, but I believe an entrepreneur that accumulates debts to the tune of billions of shillings and without compunction expects government from a Third-World country to come to his rescue at the expense of the taxpayer is worse than the merchant of Venice. 

This government has already lost trillions and trillions of money through corruption and other scandals, and we can't afford to worsen an already precarious situation by diverting public money to massage a clique of moguls that refuse to take responsibility for their business irresponsibility. The country is still in dire need of public services for which that bail-out money could be used for the greater good. The taxpayer is already burdened enough and the country is bigger than a few individuals whose so-called business acumen and ingenuity has turned out to be a sham with accompanying ramifications they are not willing to pay for.

Life’s box of chocolates

In the movie "Forrest Gump" (1994), Tom Hunks who acts as the eponymous Mr Gump, is a simple and slow-witted fellow who just happens to be incredibly lucky. He has a knack for being in the right place at the right time, which of course pays dividends. "My mama always said, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get," is all he says of his good fortune.

Those lines got me wondering whether our exertions in the pursuit of success all come to naught when one is not preordained to be successful. There are so many people who are talented, intelligent and hard working that never make it big. And so many others who seem not to give a care and yet things go so well with them. I used to see it in school when the book worms, even the bright ones would struggle to come on top of the class yet the stubborn ones who abhorred preps with a passion somehow would surprise everyone with stellar performances.

Recently when I watched "Forrest Gump" again, I realised its central figure is a nice, straightforward guy who life probably chooses to reward for his unpretentiousness. 

Personally I believe in what Muniini K. Mulera called the "5 P - Principles of Success" i.e. 1) Purpose, 2) Plan, 3) Priorities, 4) Practice, 5) Perseverance. These basically mean that success comes from a fusion of vision with exertion; those who set mega goals and work hard to fulfill them will not lack.

But I also remember a Biblical proverb that although man may throw the dice, it's God who determines how they may fall. For those who believe in God, it means He has the final say on our station in life. In its proper context, throwing the dice here is not just about the game of dice, but of life. Give it the best shots and you will receive something special from Mr Gump's 'box of chocolates.'

Unforgettable eyes

I was riding a Roadmaster bicycle with a huge can of milk on it when she flagged me down. "Two litres, please," she said, and I poured the milk in her red jug as the rays of the Saturday morning sun kissed our brows.

She paid me and said, "Thank you", and I shook my head and said, "No no no...I should be the one thanking you so much for buying from me."

 She smiled and our eyes met, directly. I saw that hers were beautiful. Not beautiful but unique, because they were eyes you cannot forget. I've forgotten her height and complexion and colour of the dress she was wearing but I've never forgotten the way those eyes of hers made me feel. 

They didn't make me feel butterflies in the tummy and they didn't make me weak in the knees. But they went with me that day and have stayed with me ever since. I see them in my dreams, I think about them in my solitary moments and when I meet a beautiful girl the first thing I do is look directly in her eyes to see whether her eyes are the eyes I fell in love with as a boy.

It was by the hand fate that a week after I encountered the girl with the unforgettable eyes, my father was transferred to a distant part of the country, and I went with him, never to see the girl again.

Five years ago I travelled back to that part of the country and asked everyone I met, "I'm looking for the girl with the most beautiful eyes in the world." But they gave me quizzical looks; like I was nuts or something. Only one old woman gave me a smile that revealed endless gaps in her mouth, and lifted my hopes that I would one day meet again the girl I met as a 15-year-old milk boy; the only one my heart beats after; the girl whose eyes possess the kind of beauty I've ever since failed to erase from my memories.