My personality of the year

If it was not for the goodness of some people, I would not be here today. That is why every kind Ugandan is my personality of the year. Your goodness gives others the courage to keep going and the inspiration to do better as well.

So if you helped somebody in need, visited and encouraged a prisoner, bought a jobless brother a meal, took a glass of juice to a patient in hospital, name it, you are my hero. Every act of love, however insignificant it may seem, if done from the depth of the heart, will always be cherished by the receiver.

 Often we think giving is a job done by the moneyed, but there are no greater riches than the riches of the heart. You may be struggling to make ends meet but if you have love, you have a treasure. Keep on sharing and those moves of love will give you a satisfaction that cannot be matched.

To be sure, the returns are immeasurable. You may not get money but the inner joy and peace will be better than anything money can buy. It is a thankless heart, and things like envy, covetousness, laziness, unforgiveness and bitterness that choke the air we breathe, making life impossible. If in the place of these, love is inserted, life gets better and better.

Love is understanding. Love is peaceful. Love is enduring. Love is not envious and has no resentment in its makeup. It forgives, does not keep a list of wrongs, never puts others down or rejoices at their misfortunes, but always looks for the best in people. That is love.

A very wise and inspired man named Paul said three things in life matter: faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these, he said, is love. Love is what will keep us better and prospering in 2015 and the subsequent years.

Don’t get it twisted; customer remains king

Ann is one of my best friends. She is a beautiful, intelligent girl with a petite figure and a baby face that will make you mistake her for a teenager although she is in her early 30s. Ann's ambition and ability to multi-task is amazing. After journalism school, Ann went abroad to study nursing. Now she works in the home for the elderly, and moonlights as a freelance journalist. She also owns 80 percent shares in a small company where she vetoes who to hire and fire. On a recent holiday in Kampala, Ann received a call that her front-desk employee had quit.  Ann permitted her partner to use his discretion to find a proficient replacement.

On her return to America, Ann went over to evaluate the customer care skills of her new employee. She came masquerading as a client who wanted to see the boss over a business idea. The new receptionist first sized Ann up and down with steely eyes, and continued filing her nails as if Ann was some loathsome insect that one does better by ignoring. Flashing her witty smile to hide her shock, Ann said, "Did you hear me? I really would like to meet your boss." This time the receptionist snapped up and told Ann rudely that the boss was busy, and went ahead to warn Ann not to come near her desk again.  

Things happened quickly in the next few minutes. Like an action movie. Ann fired the insolent receptionist there and then. And after the truth had sunk in that she was indeed the real boss, the fired girl coiled her nonexistent tail and grovelled on her knees, begging to be rehired.

Ann's experience is close to what happened to me recently when I visited a restaurant in Kampala run by a Muhima mama who has quite a following of mostly the potbellied. I sat down, placed my order and opened my newspaper. This mama, who didn't know I had already ordered, looked me up and down with eyes that suggested that her restaurant was way above my station. I'm a man of small physical stature and simple style. Moreover I wasn't dangling car keys as a sign of my economic means. So this mama told me curtly that this was not the place to read newspapers; that I needed to order for food or leave. That's how she lost in me a customer who loves African dishes.

It's astounding how people blow rewarding opportunities like a fool who killed the goose that used to lay him golden eggs. Oh, mourn the death of etiquette and courtesy! You wonder why people accept jobs as receptionists or hoteliers when they have an aversion to people. The situation is dire in our country which has no Consumer Protection Policy. And because of poor service delivery, entrepreneurs hire expatriates at the expense of local professionals who have gained notoriety for shoddiness.  

In his autobiography, Success is Around the Corner, Bonney M. Katatumba talks about many jobless Ugandans who come to him complaining that investors and other employers  don't employ them. The business mogul behind Hotel Diplomate says it's because the job-seekers lack job loyalty, and are often fired for dishonesty, irresponsibility and outright theft. He advises that on top of loyalty, you have to work hard as though you own the company; doing the job with "heart and maximum effort".

It makes sense considering the high rates of unemployment in Africa. Even the stiff competition in every aspect of society makes it obvious that the best of the best will stay on their feet. W.E.B. DuBois became the first black man to receive a PhD from Harvard University because he strived to be the best he could be in a hostile, racist environment.  

It's high time we remembered that the customer remains king, and those who treat him so will attain their highest places, because even a tree that brings forth no good fruit is hewn down and cast into the fire. It's time therefore to think in new ways; think ahead, and hypnotise the client with your excellence. Let it shine, I say. In whatever you do, let it shine.

The cheer that Christmas brings and more

I love how radio stations begin to usher in the spirit of festivity by playing Christmas carols as early as November. There's a certain blessedness about it. Songs like Silent Night or Hark! the Herald Angels Sing always bring heaven down in my world. Reminds me of how as a child I loved to sneak out of the cupboard one of those special cups that were used on special days or whenever we had special guests. Drinking from "vessels of honour" always gave special taste to the drink. This love for carols was injected in me from boyhood by the heavenly voices of the village choir that used to move from home to home on Christmas eve in the night rousing us beautifully from sleep; singing their hearts out about how a special child is born unto us. It's that passion that I love – a passion that would take us far if injected in our daily pursuits.  

I also love the story of the birth itself. It's a story that renews hope. Jesus was born in a manger but his destiny was far greater that the poor circumstances under which he was born. Jesse Jackson once said, "I was born in a slum but the slum was not born in me." I was born in a potato garden but now I write for a national newspaper. We are all born for significance no matter our circumstances. You just have to play your part passionately like Jesus was already doing by the age of seven. 

Finally, I love the attention that is given to Christmas, and the attendant spirit of love through sharing. Excellence is about attention to details. And the happiness and fulfillment we all clamour for in life come from love, which is why everyday should be lived like Christmas. 

Have yourself a merry big Christmas!

Self-improvement

At the beginning of the year people make resolutions. Even those who don't write things down have good plans in their minds, because every reasonable adult wants to do better and become the darling and pride of his family or society. But time flies and we often wake up in December to discover that half the resolutions we made in January are unfulfilled. Then we lick ice cream to assuage our guilt or find scapegoats.

"Always be employed in something useful"

But I've come to discover that the fault is with us. Fortunately, it's easy to shake off the frustrations and begin with determination on a clean slate. As it is said, failure is only failure if you learn nothing from it. I'm fully persuaded that we don't have some monkey gene that keeps us goofing as proponents of Evolution Theory would want to posit. Rather we have an inherent firepower that can be invoked through self-improvement actions as we embark on the journey of becoming all we want to become and achieving all we want to achieve.

In a recent interview, Amos Wekesa who rose from frightening poverty to enviable success in the tourism sector revealed that the secret to success is good health, spiritual stability and academic ability. These things don't come by osmosis; you must deliberately work to transform yourself. In the true spirit of an African saying, "You must do your own growing no matter how tall your father is."

I've been privileged to read the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790). This illustrious American statesman, inventor and author was self-taught! He was constantly on the lookout for means of self-improvement. He devoted two hours everyday to reading, but his real transformation began when he decided to break negative habits and acquire thirteen virtues that he felt were desirable for one to contribute eminently to the world. Two of those ideals I like most are resolution and industry: (i) "Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve." (ii) "Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions."

The rich man and the poor man

There is a story that gets me thinking every time I read it. It is the common story of a rich man and a poor man. The rich man was always dressed in fine fabrics that cost a fortune, and his dining table garnished with sumptuous dishes that some can only dream about. The poor man sat outside the man's pearly gate longing for the leftovers from the big man's table, but even these, he could not get.

There are two elements that fascinate and intrigue me most about this poverty-stricken man. The first is that even though he got nothing, he stayed at the gate, hoping against hope that one day the big man would relent and have mercy upon him. If you like to view the glass as half full, you will like this beggar for his never-give-up attitude.

The second bit about him is disturbing. It has everything to do with his mindset. All day, he longed to eat the crumbs that fell from the opulent man’s table. This longing became an obsession that eventually locked out the man's ability to think outside the box and find a way of fending for himself. Soon afterwards, he died, still a destitute. This is where I pause and consider. It is very dangerous to expect free things no matter your condition. That is why when I find a man without legs on the streets of Kampala mending shoes to put food on his table rather than beg, I lift my hat in maximum respect.

Poverty is a vicious animal that cannot be defeated through the folding of arms. There are principles to live by to beat it. Sadly, the two-word magic principle of "work hard" is being eclipsed by "work smart" which the inexperienced think is synonymous with quick fixes. They spend their days betting and squandering their little money in telecom promotions hoping to hit that jackpot that will solve all their financial woes. But if success was accessed like that, everyone in Kampala would be thriving.

The beauty about marriage

One of the things I look forward to is going down on a bended knee and asking the woman I love to marry me. I hope she will say I yes.  I've already gone beyond the traditional 'marriage age', and in a day where we are expected to conform to common standards, it is understandable why my people are worried for me. 

It's one thing that's amazing how we do things in Uganda. Everyone wants to take part in making decisions for you even when you are a sane adult, educated and knowledgeable enough to make sound decisions for yourself.  It can stretch a man's patience but you have to remain polite about it but keep doing your thing until you are ready to make that leap that will light up their faces. 

Fortunately for my father, I believe in love. I believe in marriage. I believe in the posterity of the human race that is sustained through reproduction. My Creator urges me to produce, multiply and fill the earth. Who am I to say no to something so fundamental?

Ed Wheat writes in Love Life for Every Married Couple that "just about everyone inwardly longs for a thrilling love relationship involving oneness, a deep intimacy with another person, joy and optimism, spice and excitement, and that wonderful, euphoric, almost indescribable sensation known as 'being in love'". It's this kind of romantic love, when explored in marriage, that Ed observed in his long career as a doctor and marriage counselor that gives one "a new outlook on life and a sense of well-being." 

Psychologists agree that "true love in marriage brings out the best in us, giving us the will to improve ourselves and to reach for greater maturity and responsibility. This love enables us to begin to function at our highest level."

Evidently, a ring means a whole lot more. That's why I'll soon walk down the aisle a fabulous woman I'll love till Jesus comes back.

The beautiful and the awkward at weddings

The love that leads a man and a woman into marriage for the rest of their lives;  propelled by the conviction that life would not be as sweet without each other, is an awesome love. That's why my best moment at the wedding is when the vows are being exchanged; when the bride and the groom swear to love and to cherish each other for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, until they are parted by death. 

You can feel the love vibrations between these guys. Real love is awesome.

It really is a golden moment; how the church shushes while the resonant voice of the presiding priest echoes in every corner, reciting the memorable words to which the lovebirds take turns to respond with the characteristic: "I do" or "I will." I particularly love the old English vows: 

"Dennis, wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holiest state of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her so long as ye both shall live?" 

"Carol, wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordnance in the holiest state of matrimony? Wilt thou obey him and serve him, love, honour and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him so long as ye both shall live?"

It's marvelous how the voices of the groom and the bride quaver with quintessential love as they respond, "I do" or "I will" all the while not tearing eyes from each other. It's a wow moment the love you see bubbling in their eyes – the most pristine romantic love you will ever see in any pair of eyes. You don't have to be a believer to accept that the awesome beauty of that moment has its roots in the fact that marriage is truly ordained by God. 

That is why I was shocked and completely taken aback at the last wedding I attended when the groom could not look the bride in the eye as the vows were being exchanged. He cast his eyes down or looked at some distant something yet the girl was looking at him like she wanted to dissolve in his eyes. Even when he said "I do", it was a disinteresting mumble, lacking the genuine passion that typify those two magic words.

So many questions raced into my mind: was this guy forced into marrying this girl? Was it an arranged marriage? Did the girl blackmail him into sliding a ring down her finger? Was he already regretting and couldn't wait for this to end so he could return to his life? 

A groom who cannot look his bride in the eye, or a bride who cannot look her groom in the eye as the vows are exchanged is reminiscent of the couple who insist on switching off the lights every time they want to make love. It could be that one has the worst case of self-esteem or is too shy to maintain eye contact but how are you going to romantically love your spouse if you cannot hold hands and maintain eye contact? 

I cannot also forget the awkward kiss – how it mars the beauty of weddings! To be honest, it's not in our conservative psyche as Africans to kiss especially in public. Kissing remains a Western thing and we are doing it like one groping in the dark. So when the benevolent priest told the groom to kiss the bride after the vows and rings had been exchanged, the guy plunged in recklessly; enveloping the poor bride with his huge mouth, and proceeding to lick her up and down like a cow licking a pillar of salt. Some people snickered, and most senior citizens, including the parents, looked down, embarrassed and confused. 

I think if you cannot kiss right in public, it's only sensible that you reserve the awkward kissing for the bedroom and save your guests the embarrassment. 

Living like a jewel collector

Sitting alone on a bench outside his two-roomed muzigo in Kampala, enjoying a tasty rolex, a young man reflected on life as the gentle evening breeze blew sweet kisses all over his welcoming face. He thought to himself: "How beautiful it is to be alive; how happy and fulfilled I am!"

Nothing can steal the joy of one who has learn't to be content

It had taken many years for this young man to overcome his insecurities but he had since learned that the best moments in life were easy; that one can live a completely fulfilled life even if they had no coin in the bank, as long as they learned to be grateful and find beauty in everything.

That evening, this young man had walked from his workplace in the city to his abode in Makerere, and had been befuddled by the unhappy faces he saw behind the wheels of powerful cars. Were their sour dispositions caused by the traffic jam or had the pursuit of riches and the climbing of career ladders left them too weary to smile?

The young man didn't have the answers but growing up upcountry among people who had little but were happy had taught him that the joy of life is not dependent on the size of one's wallet, the car they drive, the swankiness of their offices or even the mansions they own. In fact, his experiences with the rich made him believe the words of writer Logan Pearsall Smith that, "Eat with the rich, but go to the play with the poor, who are capable of joy."

If only everyone can dig deep and resolutely resolve never to gravitate towards unhappiness, but to be grateful for the breath of life; finding beauty in simplicity, seeing a testimony in every test, life would be a whole lot more meaningful. Let’s live like the jewel collector who approaches each day with the joyous optimism of finding the cutest, most sparkling gem of all.

Adult things

I recently visited one of my married friends. Our interaction somehow drifted to the significance of modern technology and he told me about his plan to buy his daughter a smart phone on her sixth birthday, which was arriving soon. This is when his wife jumped in with an emphatic no. 

"What will she be doing with that kind of phone," wife said worriedly, "our daughter is  too young."

Children need to be protected from adult things

 While she believes it would be treading on dangerous grounds to introduce some things to children including sex education, my friend argues that the earlier children get the hang of things, the better.

I didn't know what to say about a six-year owning an i-phone until later that day when nude photos of a voluptuous Ugandan musician started circulating on social media. I'm not a parent yet, but the thought of my daughter seeing such pictures sent tremours down my spine. 

 

It must be in some rap song I heard that every woman should behave like a whore in bed but some take it too far. If you are a mother and public figure like the woman whose nude v-pose has gone viral on social media, you have to think about the implications of your actions with a man who is not your husband. Even our grandmother Eve quickly plucked up some lettuce leaves to cover up her nether regions after she had devoured the forbidden fruit and realised that she was naked.  

Our ladies could learn a thing from her even as they make out with the objects of their desires. St. Paul's words of wisdom crown the point: "When I was a child I spoke as a child, I thought as a child, I understood as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things."

Leave Miss Uganda alone

Negative vibes are still vibrating around the cyber world against the newly crowned Miss Uganda. Those saying Leah Kalanguka is an ugly duckling, forget that the ugly duckling turned out to be the most beautiful swan. Besides, the definition of beauty pegged on one's looks is skewed. Our bodies are merely perishable shells that are dumped into the grave to rot and feed the worms therein while our true beauty is the soul that ascends to heaven to meet its Creator.

Before you condemn her, get to know her personally; where she has been and what has brought her this far. Judge her basing on the content of her heart. Amen, somebody?

Moreover, outside beauty is fleeting. As the old, old men who were seeing their reflections in the water said wistfully, "All that's beautiful drifts away like the waters." They had been once exceedingly handsome but after age got them old and wrinkled, they learned that true beauty is what is on the inside. And what is on the inside of Kalanguka is confidence and intelligence that made her stand out. It defied the shady modern definition of beauty which flaunts the nudity-crazy; tall and self-starved girls.

The African queen with a full figure, melanin-filled lips and mighty hips is often demonised as fat and ugly. Imagine! Then there are these chemicals that they sell at the beauty parlour in the name of makeup. Man, beauty cannot be bought at the beauty mall. Then our girls are made to dress skimpily in the name of being "sexy." How absurd.

Listen and get a grip. Kalanguka was not chosen by fools. As Miss Uganda 2008 Dora Mwima put it, "Judging doesn't start on that final night. That's the reason those girls are kept in boot camp so that their character, morals and personalities are scrutinised."

The naysayers should get the point and leave our Miss Uganda alone. She was created by an intelligent designer—God—and therefore she's fearfully and wonderfully made. Her confidence and brains are earmarks of true beauty as she goes about fulfilling the theme of beauty with a purpose.

This thing called love

The singer in the Song of Solomon begs us not to awaken love before its proper time. I remembered that line when a friend of mine sought my advice on what he must do to stop day-dreaming about a girl he thought he had forgotten.

He first met this girl six years ago and she told him off when he professed. Deeply hurt, he hit back that he didn't care and meant every word. He bumped into her again recently and all the hidden embers suddenly shot into fiery flames.  

"Man, this is the girl I must marry," he told me breathlessly.  

Young lady, don't awaken love before its proper time

To me she's just an ordinary girl but to my friend she has a mysterious quality so consuming his mind keeps reverting to it. It just makes you to pause and marvel. What is it about love that keeps us awake in the night when we want to sleep?  

Love is something the world's best psychological brains need to explore. We have gone to the moon and invented the most dangerous nuclear weapons. But who can explain why a man can fall in love with one woman so much that his life loses its colour without her? 

Some people think Shakespeare was the world's best in waxing lyrical about love. But I wish there's a machine that records the thoughts a man has about a woman he truly loves. But truly the best love lines will never be written because they are so deep they can never be captured by words.

Love is that strong that you fall in love at your own peril if you don't have the emotional stability and inner strength way beyond the ordinary. Sometimes it's even better to marry a woman you are not very much in love with. Because the heaviness of too much love keeps its victims staggering under its weight so much that true happiness remains a dream beyond their attainment.

In black and white

Is it me or has this year been unusually fast? How else can I explain the fact that I've not yet achieved the thing I hoped to have achieved by this time?

This got me thinking why some people don't achieve as they ought to, and the answers came slowly as I took a thoughtful stroll in my neighbourhood.

Stay focused

P.K. Bernard said, "A man without a vision is a man without a future. A man without a future will always return to his past." That's true. The most important ingredient for achieving is having the vision, not just in the mind, but also in black and white. This impels the vision-bearer to spring into action, and stay focused until the vision is fulfilled.

A vision, to those who say such terms leave them clueless and confused, it simply a mental picture of something which such importance to you that you feel you will not be fulfilled unless you carry it out. If you meet a girl that you fall head-over-heels in love with, you will probably have a vision of walking her down the aisle. A man with such vision constantly playing on the back-screen of his mind will not rest until he has asked this girl out on a date and taking it from there until he slides a ring down her finger.

My stroll also got me thinking about our independence celebrations on October 9. How can we still celebrate without shame when years since we took the instruments of power from the British colonialists, we still have a messy education system that stresses rote memorisation to pass exams instead of practical and creative instructional methods through which we can produce our own Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerbergs?

Parents have to take back their places and help their children to discover themselves early on. It's the only way to grow intelligently and courageously to fulfill the purposes for which they were created.

Birthday reflections

Today is my birthday. I won't tell how old I've turned but just know I'm no longer a child, but a man living each day circumspectly, and captaining my ship to the best of my abilities.

I was born in the thick morning fog and the biting cold of Kigezi where my father was working as a health inspector. The fathers of the time knew how to wield the whip, not wanting to spare the rod and spoil the child unlike today when children sue their parents over a little spanking! My papa was a bold preacher who loved raising the cane as he preached the gospel of morality to the stubborn tots we were. I now look back with a smile of appreciation because it saved me from getting spoilt.

We later moved to our present home in Mitooma District where I lived with Grandma who gave me practical lessons in industriousness; breaking the dry ground in the sun with small hoes; living by the maxim that a man that does not dig (work real hard) should not eat! I’ll forever be grateful, for she ingrained in me a work ethic that has continued to hold me in good stead. There's nothing sweeter than bread that you have worked hard for.

Tick-tock tick-tack and I found myself at the university surrounded by exciting times; exploring night clubs and chasing after shapely girls that were the objects of our romantic fantasies.  These were dangerous times but by the grace of God I passed through them unscathed. 

The greatest lesson(s) learned so far, is that life is sweeter when lived with a smile both in good and bad times. Don't dwell much on the betrayals and the things that work not. Picking myself up and tackling each day with the optimism that things will somehow work out for good no matter the disappointments along the way, is what makes life fulfilling even in easy circumstances.

Words words words!

Two geese were preparing to fly south when a frog begged to come along. 

"But you have no wings?"  

"That's no problem," answered the frog. "You guys just hold a stick between your beaks and I'll hang on—with my mouth."

Off the trio went, as people looked up admiring their teamwork. Suddenly somebody below shouted, "Great idea! Whose was it?" 

That's when the frog released its grip and yelled, "Miiiine!" and thus came tumbling to its death. 

Some people are like that frog. They could be making some great strides in life. Then a little success gets into their heads and they become braggarts until the true hour of reckoning pummels them into humility.

    

Every time we speak when we ought to stay silent, there are dire consequences. Reminds me of a powerful king whose niece danced incredibly at his birthday party. Overcome with excitement, the king told the little girl that he would reward her with anything she would ask for. The girl consulted her mother. The vindictive woman told her to ask for the head of her enemy on a silver platter. And just like that, an innocent man lost his precious life. 

Various human flaws mar the progress of individuals, but none is more dangerous than an unbridled tongue. As Aldous Huxley famously put it, "Thanks to words, we have often sunk to the level of the demons."

Also, have you wondered why job interviews are conducted? You have a first-class degree and the proven experience to go along with it, yet are still grilled by a panel of often mean-faced interviewers who based on your responses make the final decision. A man's words can tell truly about the content of his character. 

I guess it pays to heed the advice of Shakespearean character Hamlet, "Suit the action to the word, the word to the action; with this special observance, that you o'erstep not the modesty of nature."  

Playing the game of love

Love. Is it a game of chess that you can win through calculated moves? It's flabbergasting the rate at which many are turning into love-doctors with 'magical' tips that they claim will win you the most beautiful and intelligent woman when followed to the letter.

Can the game of love be played like chess?

"Mehn, you need to be mean; don't give her vibes about how crazy you're about her; you need to play the game," I overheard a youngster telling another as they bounced in their sagging jeans and Timberland boots at Makerere University. He was speaking with life like a hiphop beat. It was a quiet Sunday evening, and I quickened my pace to catch all the echoes.

"But I can't help myself," said the other boy, with vulnerable sincerity.

"I know. That chick is da bomb! But bruh, it's all about game. You've shown her too much interest. Now she's beginning to feel good on you. That's why she ignores your calls except when she needs your dime. I want you to withdraw for like a month, and be like you don't care and see what happens."

There was momentary silence, like the besotted teen was ruminating on what had just been said. The 'love doctor' continued, "You have to make her fall for you indirectly and that's not by showing too much interest. Chicks don't dig dudes who appear needy because when you chase her much you appear that way. You gotta be the bad boy in this game. Bad boys show women they don't give a damn even when they freakin' do! When you stop chasing; she will get concerned; she will be shaken by your independence. Chicks like independent guys. Independence to them isn't about the fat bank account, or your brother's freaking Range Rover..."

I would have loved to hear more, but they entered Mitchell Hall, and I continued down to Wandegeya, wondering if the smitten teen will take the advice and if it will work.

Let's talk about anger

The secondary school I attended was notorious for teasing and bullying. S.1 students would endure a dreadful term at the hands of  some "matures" who would whip them up in the middle of the night and attribute their savagery to the Chwezi demigods. One night, a fresher who could take it no longer stepped out and returned with a brick with which he knocked out his tormentor. That act of anger cost the student an expulsion whereas his victim spent six weeks in hospital. 

Anger is conquered through being smart and having self-control

My Encarta Dictionary defines anger as "a strong feeling of grievance and displeasure" but I prefer to describe it as a terrible emotion that makes us do things we later regret. The destructive power of anger was so known to the great apostle Paul that he advised us never to let the sun go down while we are still angry.

Obviously, anger is a human emotion just like happiness that is sometimes unavoidable. What makes the difference is how you give vent to it. Do you pick a stone and crush the head of the provocateur or do you go to your room and punch walls? 

Oh yes, there are positive ways of expressing temper that psychologists and counselors recommend. You can talk about it, take a walk, or do exercises through which fury gets slowly suppressed. But the best way for believers is to pray about it. One of the world's greatest pediatric neurosurgeons, Dr. Ben Carson, too had a problem of anger when he was a young man. So much that at one he tried to hit his beloved mother in the head with a hammer. Another time he stabbed in the belly a friend who had angered him. Luckily the knife missed and struck the metal belt buckle and broke. He realized he needed help and through prayer and reading the Bible he triumphed.

The wisest man to live, King Solomon, once said whoever is slow to get angry is wise. He also said a person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. Anger can only be conquered through being smart and having self-control.

Learning from others

One man's life changed after he came to the end of himself and decided to do something about it. Today he's the man we are all proud of--Kenneth "Pablo" Kimuli--Uganda's bonafide king of comedy. Pablo likes to joke that the day he was born, his father looked at him and exclaimed, "Is this a joke!" Pablo has since been a living joke, but it has not been easy. Having lost his father at young age, he struggled through school, and even after graduation was so hardup that he found solace in the bottle. He would hound bars in Ntinda from 6pm to 10 am, telling funny stories in exchange for droplets of booze.

Pablo (left) is a living joke!

But one day he came to himself like the prodigal son, and decided this was not the life he wanted to live the rest of his life. He got saved, and soon after landed a job at Power Fm, where he used to sign in as "the only Mukiga from Pakwach" before proceeding to crack varied jokes live on the radio.

You may not even know that after Campus, Pablo tried his hand at writing for a newspaper but all his articles were rejected. But today he's a popular newspaper columnist. Just a moment with him does not just leave your sides paining from too much laughter, he also sends you to the high heaven with inspiration. He is by all means an optimist you will never catch sad or worried. As he likes joke, every 60 seconds of sadness is a whole minute of happiness lost!

Pablo's story proves that anyone can deprogram disillusionment and replace it with the optimism that helps you discover the gift or tal ent you can maximise to achieve your destiny. We can as well learn from Ugandan motivational speaker Ethan Musolini who picks his calls by saying, "This is the merchant of success speaking!" And true, success loves Musolini. And Pablo.

True friends

When we were at Campus, I went dancing with some friends. On our way back in the wee hours of the morning, one of us stopped to buy a prostitute in Wandegeya. We tried to stop him but he was stubborn, so we forcefully dragged him away. It's been years but he has not stopped thanking us for saving him from doing something he would have lived to regret the rest of his life.

True friends are man's greatest need

What we did is an act of true friendship. Friends--the right friends--are arguably the greatest need of every person. They are the equivalent of indispensable partnerships in business. In fact, it's an important success tenet that nobody can grow big on their own without a support system of people with whom you share interests and ambitions.

"Some people think that succeeding in business is about having a good idea and then raising capital," writes African billionaire and motivational writer Strive Musiyiwa. "If you do not know how to forge meaningful, long-term partnerships based on mutual trust, you will not make it."


This goes beyond business, to all aspects of life. Without a backup network of friends; people close to you; people who believe in you and in whom you believe enough to share your deepest secrets with, it's
hard to make serious headway. I remember a strong weakness that used to trouble me. I shared it with my prayer group. Not only did I find it therapeutic that they listened to me, they also gave me words of wisdom that helped me to make adjustments in how I was living, also prayed with me till my weakness was conquered.

Somebody once said that if you have nine friends who are fools, you are the tenth! Your friends are a reflection of your life aspirations. Surround yourself with people who will influence you positively; friends true enough to stop you from self-destruction. 

Shining like a gold nugget

One of my favourite rap artists is Mase. His music before and after he got saved speaks to me profoundly. Apart from his effortless, aesthetic flow, his lyrics are mostly a story of his life that I can relate to.
A story that has universal appeal; that resonates with many people trying to make it in life. The struggles they endure and the temptation to give up. In the hit Gotta Survive, for example, Mase talks about how everyone sees you on television without the thought of the price you paid to get there.

Mase can smile but it wasn't easy in the beginning

"Now it's easy but I started with low budget, I was weary some days I used to sit there my eyes all teary thinking to myself, do anybody hear me..." he sings, "But now I'm now shinning like a gold nugget cos I made the most of it."

By making the most of it, Mase means he didn't let the obstacles to his dream frustrate him to the point of surrender. He hustled more and stayed focused. There were those who had been in the industry longer who kicked and ridiculed him, behaving like a bull that never wants to see another bull in the kraal. But Mase knew he had it in him and worked to prove the naysayers wrong. It was not easy as it never is especially when you have no mentor or father figure to guide you along and boost your esteem. That's why we have many life coaches.

And you can get one; it doesn't matter what age or stage you are at, you can get one to help you discover your capabilities and guide you in applying them. Remember fulfilment in life has little to do with money, but more to do with knowing who are and what you want and going for it. When you understand this, you will become "salty like sodium" [another Mase line] and lead a happy, thriving life even in your easy circumstances.

The spark in you

"I was just a kid when I first got to see Muhammad Ali. I saw the way people looked up to him, I saw their smiling faces. And I said to myself: 'that's what I wanna be. I wanna be the champion of the world." 

Those are the opening words of the movie, Tyson about a man who at the age of 20 entered record books as the youngest heavy weight boxing champion of the world. I love the resolve in those opening words, and the fact that individual success is often sparked by the excellence of another. 

Me hanging out with star comedian Kenneth "Pablo" Kimuli

 It is important to remember that those who set the spark have worked hard and way harder to get to the top. Muhammad Ali hated the rigorous training but vowed to endure it and live like a champion for the rest of his life. That much became true as he is still considered the greatest boxer of all time. 

Just dig within your heart and you could find the spark that somebody more famous lit there. When I was a boy my father always brought home The Daily Monitor. Watching him ensconsed on the sofa reading it sparked my love for reading, and I told myself that one day I'll write for a newspaper. Now I am living the dream. 

But the dream had to be pursued first. One must work relentlessly to be the best they can be. This starts with investment in self; buy a new book every month, join a gym member, learn a new language, take dancing classes, ditch the cheap restaurants for that Sunday brunch at Serena hotel. Whatever works for you; anything that can add value to you, go for it.  

Moreover, when you work on yourself you are not only helping yourself but your neighbour, your colleagues, your family, your world as well. Seeing that change in you; that improvement; that light shining from the inside out could inspire them beyond your wildest imagination.

The longings of the heart

There is something I have been longing for for seven years. Seven long years and still counting. Waiting has been getting tougher with every year. Langston Hughes, once wondered, poetically, whether a dream deferred does stink like rotten meat or sags like a heavy load. It is that and more, but only if you haven't learned to wait patiently.

It's never easy to wait but it's always worth it

When you have learnt the art of waiting, it ceases to be tough to wait. Patience takes the place of impatience, and your character is transformed to such maturity that emotions and longings bow under your authority. You pursue your dreams and ambitions with confidence, knowing that no matter how long the night drags, the morning will come with its gladdening light to dispel the darkness.

Because of how much the world has changed, it is easy to deny somebody an opportunity based on their present circumstances. Jesse Jackson once said, "I was born in the slum but the slum was not born in me." I love the veracity of that statement. Every human being is born with an inner greatness that will shine through if you know the truth and walk in it without giving up even though it might take quite some time before you get there. 

In my boyhood I longed to grow beards like my father. I used to look myself in the mirror, and it was always painful that instead of finding one strand of beard, my chin seemed smoother than the day before. Now I have a beard after many years of waiting (haha!), and it is with this patience and endurance that I can even smile as I wait some more for what I have been longing for for seven years.

I know soon—very soon—my dream will come true and the rewards of my waiting will be tastier than the sweetest grapes and sweeter than crusted sugar or "a syrupy sweet" in Langston Hughe's poem.